The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
As some of you know.... Last month my son's first car was hit by a truck and totaled (son was fine). He had it 6 weeks. We lost $700.00 on the deal and took it with a grain of salt. Insuranse would only give us X amount.
So we found him another car for a good price. A red 1993 Mitsubishi Eclipse. Old, but he loved it. Yes, I said LOVED, past tense. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr Son does well on paying for his insurance and gas, is 16 and has worked since he was 14.
Last night he stayed all night with a friend. Sometime in the wee hours of the morning the UNlisenced friend decided to take the car for a joy ride!!!! Yup, you guessed it, he wrecked it. Son had the car since May 6th.!!!! The kid ran over some big yard rocks and took out the mailbox and dragged a big rock 50 feet down the road under the car tearing everything underneath up, in addition to the rocks he he hit all along the side of the car.
Police showed up at our door at 7a.m. this morning telling us the car has been found, really trashed but they didn't know the anything more. So, of course I go in to Mommy Mode. Is my son in the hospital unable to tell them who to call? I'm wondering, what does really trashed mean? Did it roll over? Is the driver's side crunched in? Where is my boy??????????????????
I called his cell phone (franticially, shaking, taking deep breaths)..no anser, it went to voice mail. ARGH!!!
He called back just after I hung up, very groggy, woken from sleep. I asked if he was allright. He said, what? what are you talking about? I said the police are here, found your car wrecked. He says, no way, it's out front. I told him to go look. Then I heard NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Poor kid. So he woke up his friend, who had found a ride home after the accident and got the story. How the kid could come home and go to sleep after wrecking a car I'll never know!!
I went and got both boys as Officer waited at my house. The boy owned up to what he did and told us that his father and him would be back this evening to discuss what to do. He said his father would be home around 6:00 p.m.
My son called his friend about 6:30 to ask what time they were coming over. The boy told my son his Dad was home but went somewhere with his Uncle. OK, deeeep breathe. Now, wouldn't you think the father would at least give us a phone call before he took off and left? (I know, I know..expectations) That's what I do anyway, immediately. This happened at 3-4 a.m. and his Dad hasn't the courtesy to call us at all?
So that's it up to this point. Trying to remember that HP will take care of it and knows best. But geez HP, why always my kid? lol Which is what my son asked me. Son said, "maybe I wasn't grateful enough"... An AA friend of mine (that we bought the car from) said sometimes HP uses others as a tool while teaching a lesson...but my son, 2x in a month??
I do have to give my son kudos, he said his first instinct was to beat the kid's a$$, but he knew right away that it wouldn't bring his car back or change anything.
ok, nuff rambling just needed to vent a bit. Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
Wow...what a time of it you and your son seem to have when it comes to vehicles for him! I'm sure too that HP has a reason for all this - albeit difficult to discern.
I'm pretty dang impressed with your son - maintaining his composure and not kicking some rear. My first reaction would have been anger that would translate into not-so-nice conversation - and very animated - with the person that took the joy-ride.
I hope things clear up and the father calls you soon. I do understand as it would aggravate the dickens out of me as well - I'd expect a call to. Of course, that would be the first thing I did when I walked through the door - if I wasn't able to call sometime during the day. (I'm not too good on the expectations thing - I have many... )
Again, I'm sure there's a lesson in all this - and I hope things go smoothly with the father and fixing/replacing the car....
I impressed with both you and your son! And the authorities in your area...
Here in NE Ohio the law takes unlicensed and uninsured driving VERY seriously as people are often hurt or killed along with property damage.
The cops around here would have arrested the kid and thrown the book at him, and he would have had to make restitution as part of his probation or "deal".
That father should be very grateful that the cops are letting the parents handle things informally, he should be thankful and eager to take this chance to work things out without his son getting the book thrown at him.
I admire your sons mature attitude, and your patience to give the other Dad a chance to work things out.
Focus on how proud you can be of your son, and tell him to hide his keys next time he visits a "friend", LOL.
Isa, You can bet the kid's in trouble.. The only reason he didn't have to go to juvie is because the police were able to get ahold of his parents. He will be doing community service probably, will find out after he goes to court. He left the scene and did property damage...definately in trouble. I may have to charge him with theft, but that's a whole other story..sigh
BTW, found out the father is an A...so now I understand the reason for no phone call.
Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
Christy, your son is a good kid. All the rest of it is aggravation...serious aggravation, I will admit. This will pass. Give the boy a tight hug, and start over.
This is the place to vent! Glad you did. Like you said, "deep breath..."
All will work out for your son. He may not think so now, but it will...you keep being a kind and caring mom. Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
Maybe the boy didn't tell his dad......So you might take that into consideration and call the dad yourself..
Your son should not have to take responsibility for the boys actions.....
The good news is he admitted it to the police, so there is actions you can take there for your son to get a new vehicle.
I would simple call them and say: either you take care of this or I will have to press charges.....unfortunately people don't always do the right thing......
I imagine your son is very upset, so just let god and the police handle this problem....
So relieved to hear your son is OK. And the other boy, too, as much as you may want to choke him right now. Things could have been so, so, so much worse.
I am sure your son is devastated over his car. Some friend, huh?
Your son is lucky to have a mom like you. Wish I had had a program when my daughter was a teen! She was a good girl, but things just happen around teenagers that make us cringe, and dig deep into our wallets. Wish I had known then to let go and let God, would have saved me so much grief and frustration.
Glad you are here.
Hope the police scare that other kid bad. He needs to be!
First, let me say that I am so happy your son is okay. Whew! You have raised a remarkable young man. He is a very responsible young man. We need more like him in this world.
Second, if that happened to me, it would be enough to send me straight to the funny farm! No doubt about it. The men in the little white coats would be knocking at my door. But then I am not the sane woman that you are. As for his friends father, grrrrrr, arrrrrrrrgh! Okay I know we're not suppose to have expectations, but come on now! Although if parents set the example for their kids on how to behave, then we can see where the son got it from. So I guess you should have expected that his Dad would pull some thing like this.
Thirdly, I say count your blessings that you have such a good son, and an amazing family period. I hope he can find a new car. Remind that if he's going to stay at a friend's house all night, perhaps sleep with the keys. Very, very glad he's safe. Sorry about his car.
Live strong,
Karilynn
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
My Hubby finally called the kid's Dad. The guy said, "I'm surprised I haven't heard from you before this".
Hubby was very firm in what he expected of him, he came over Sat. and told hubby he would get the money to us ASAP. Hubby said "I'll call in a couple days if i don't hear from you".
That's about it..we are waiting.
Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
I am just grateful that son is ok. HP has an angel watching your family very closely. Its nice hearing hubby is helping you and son now in so many positive ways. Only repeating that as completely aggravating this is now -it’s a moment that will pass.
)
No doubt about it. The men in the little white coats would be knocking at my door. But then I am not the sane woman that you are. As for his friends father, grrrrrr, arrrrrrrrgh! Okay I know we're not suppose to have expectations, but come on now! Although if parents set the example for their kids on how to behave, then we can see where the son got it from. So I guess you should have expected that his Dad would pull some thing like this.