(((((((((((((Kitty)))))))))))))),

You are kind and loving person and deserve to be treated with love and respect.  I agree with what lin606 said.  But I also it has to start by you loving and respecting yourself.  If you don't believe that you deserve to be treated with love and respect, then why should other people. I know these are issues that hard for you to deal with.  I can't imagine dealing with all the hurt that you.  However, you are entitled to live the life you want to lead and to be treated that way.  No one but you can do that.  Much like our As, no one can make them sober.  They have to want it so badly, that there is no other purpose or focus.  It's called recovery.  Yes, it is hard and painful.  Yes we all slip (my behind is very sore from slipping).  But we can and must do this.  Otherwise we will die right along with them.  I for one refuse to do that.  That's why I insisted that hubby leave, for my sanity, safety, and well-being.  It was the hardest thing I ever had to do.  I love him very much.  But his recovery is up to him, as mine is up to me.  It obsviously wan't working for us together.  So maybe we can do it apart.  But I intend to get well regardles. I am taking back my life from this disease.  You can do the same.  I have great faith in you. You are so much stronger than you realize.  Take those baby steps.

Live strong,

Karilynn

I am new to this board. Yours is the first posting I read because I can relate to the topic. After 31 years of marriage, I left my husband because I realized I couldn't change him. I can only control me. He hurt his back a few years ago and is now a big time drug abuser. The psychological abuse leaves some deep wounds. I have 4 children. My youngest lives with me. She's 16. My oldest lives with him. He is a drug addict and has lost his home, his car, his wife, and almost custody of his son. We drained all of our savings for his lawyers. The nightmare I was living became even worse when my husband started giving my son pain pills. He said it was so my son would not go out and buy drugs and get arrested. My son already has a felony record. I have so much guilt still because I love them both. They are now living with my mother in law. My husband has been using my car that I pay for so he can get to work and back. I'm sharing a teenage car with my daughter. Last weekend my husband, in a drugged state, wrecked my car. He is okay but he said he was driving down the middle of the highway, the grassy part, when he woke up. Later, he said, he hit a car. I really need some support. I've been in my apartment since Feb. I know how miserable and guilty and overwhelmed you feel. I know how you must hide to cry because if he sees you crying, he gets angry. I know the violent outbursts. I hope you leave and I mean RUN! I did. It was hard. Still is. He asks me all the time when we are getting back together. We never dated anyone else. I love him but I cannot tolerate the father of my children giving them drugs -- he also gives pills to my other son. both sons are over 21. I am 51 and feel like all my mothering, motherhood, wifedom, has been in vain. I feel like I have a big hole in my heart. This is not the life I wanted for me and my family. BUT it is what I had to do in order to survive. I'd like to mention that last Dec. I had congestive heart failure due to stress. Imagine that. Now imagine your husband not even coming to the hospital. And it was Christmas Eve. I'm not kidding. That hurt so much. He said he had to work and that the job was what was paying for all my medical needs. Isn't that odd?

and....

 

SSS isn't always Skin So Soft!!

 

Sick Sick Sick

 

Peewee