The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I was at a roundup this weekend, and had an enlightening experience.
There is a woman in our town whose husband is a recovering A, in AA. He has been sober for five or six years. She is not in alanon, yet she usually comes to the roundups and conventions, as a sort of social occasion. This is how I know her, plus we meet on the street, and chat now and then.
This weekend I ended up talking to her for quite some time, for really the first time. I will admit that I have more or less avoided this woman, as she is a very negative person to be around, usually.
I was taken aback, talking to her, at how extremely bitter, and resentful she is. Five years into sobriety, and she still brings up the money he drank away, even though we were not really talking about that. I realized that all the little negative and nasty remarks, which I had noticed she was prone to in the past, are rooted in her resentment of his actions when he was drinking. He is moving on, working on his sobriety and recovery, and she is stuck, stewing in hatred and bitterness.
I realized, talking to her, that if not for this program, that is where I might be, right now. My husband has moved on, is trying to recover and make changes in his behaviour. He is working a program, maybe not the way I would, but still, change is happening to him. He's still far from perfect, though. I realized that if I did not have my own program, helping me to focus on myself, to give up the past, to accept what is, I could very well be stewing in that pot of resentment and self pity too. I'd be focusing on what he is NOT doing, rather than on what he IS, and eating my heart out. Instead, I'm pretty happy, doing more or less OK. It brought home to me how much this program is for ME - to help me be happier, whether the A is still drinking or not. We are not here to get our A sober, but to get ourselves healthy.
If not for this program, how many of us would be nasty unhappy people unable to see the joy all around us? I could be , for one.
Awesome share lin!! Yup, that could've been me too. Before Al-Anon I never looked at my part in all this either. I had become a very not nice person. And the thing is, I wasn't looking at the fact that nobody can make you how/what you are. We make ourselves that. Before Al-Anon I, of course, blamed it all on him. Now I can see this is a two-way street and I am responsible for MY side of that street. What was my excuse for being a nagging, screaming, bitter, resentful shrew? And who wants to live with that? I was as bad, possibly worse (probably worse) than he ever was. Our "illness" fed off each other in our unhealthy behaviors and actions. Thank goodness I found Al-Anon and was willing to look at myself and make changes. Life is soooo much better now, and yes, I take time to enjoy the day and smell the roses!!
Luv, Kis
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Let your light shine in the darkness. "I can't just bring my mind to meetings...I must also bring my heart."
That lyn is a mouth ful , I am so gratful that i got here and i don't have to die angry and resentful . The lady is lucky her husb is still with her actually must be hard to live with all that resentment and stay sober , we can't keep them sober nor is it our job but by changing our attitudes we just might be able to give them a reason to hang around . Louise
