"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"

DrystaneDyke · Member

I'm new

nmike · ~*Service Worker*~

Welcome to MIP and Alanon. Yes, you are in the right place for families and friends of alcoholics. We help each other and share. Keep coming back.

In support,

Nancy

canadianguy · ~*Service Worker*~

Welcome, and yes, you are certainly in the right place.... I think you will find MIP full of loving, wonderful people, who will listen and share their experiences with you.... Please feel free to "lurk" as long as you like, and even better - post your concerns or thoughts on the board!!

Take care

Tom

DrystaneDyke · Member

Thank you both. So many of the posts on this board exactly echoed my own experience, and you seem an amazing and very courageous lot. I've only been married to my particular alcoholic for three years and he is a very kind and good person - I know he's been aware for a while that the drinking's a problem but we've really only faced it together recently. He's been to two counselling sessions and was so optimistic this morning (the second session due this afternoon) - then came home after the session (did he go??? I wonder) terribly upset, wouldn't talk about it or about anything, said he wanted to cook the dinner because "it would give him something else to think about"...he did, but by the time it was ready he was totally p%ssed & even more upset.

So I put him to bed & have spent the rest of the evening (it's 11.30 pm here) recovering. It's heartbreaking, he is such a sweetheart (always, even drunk) and I wish I could help but I know I can't - just hope I don't do the wrong thing. I'm so scared that the hugely difficult thing he did (going to the counselling in the first place) and the good start he made after the first session (a whole week without any uncontrolled drinking) was all for nothing, & I'll never get him to go back to the counselling. I know he wouldn't go to AA!

Oh dear.....

nycbt · ~*Service Worker*~

Welcome to MIP. You are not alone. There a lot of people who understand.

World Service Organization Website –

WWW.al-anon.alateen.org

Phone number is 1-888-425-2666

Alanon meetings 800-351-9996

Alanon literature Worldwide 888-425-2666

Alanon meeting info. 800-433-7266 AA info.

Chat room is open 24/7 there here the link to www.mipchat.net or http://www.12stepforums.net/chatroom2.html

Here are some things that have helped me since in the program.

Go face to face meeting & online meeting.

post on the board here on the site. I have gotten a lot of good feed back.

· Set support system. people do not judge. You need someone who can go for coffee on a bad day, or pick up a phone and call when in trouble. The support is what is important when you first this program.

Have a sponsor. Someone work one on one with you.

You don’t have to do this the minute u come to the program but I suggest that u do it when u can. It help.

Meeting schedule: meetings are in here and run approximately 90 minutes from: Monday-Friday, 9 am and 9 pm EST, Saturday: 10 am and 9 pm EST, Sunday: 10 am and 7 pm EST. Topics are selected by participants at meeting time. UK +5 hours, central -1 hour, mountain -2 hours, pacific -3 hours. Open chat all other times.

maresie2 · ~*Service Worker*~

Do you want to tell us more about you and your issues. I know when I first came here, burst in here with the same crisis I'd had for years with an A, I said very very little about me. These days I actually say very little about the A. It doesn't mean that I still don't struggle with him over issues. I do but they do not effect me in the black and white ways they once did. Al anon has given me a space between his behavior and me. He still drinks, still smokes ( I loathe smoking), he still acts out in many many ways. The issue is that his behavior and his issues no longer control me.

This weekend I spent taking care of me. I had the flu and simply took to my bed. Before I would not have been able to do that. I would not have felt ok about doing that. I would also have been livid at the a for not taking care of me. I can't say he did take care of me but I did. There is a huge difference for me.

Maresie2

DrystaneDyke · Member

Thank you nycbt. Unfortunately I'm in Scotland so can't use US phone numbers; and, more annoyingly, I work on an Apple Mac and so can't use chat-rooms. There are three Al-Anon meetings in my city (yes just three). I am not ready to tell my A that I am going to a meeting, so I can't go to the evening ones; and while I am at present not working, that needs to change soon. I do want to go to a meeting and will try to get to the next daytime one (next Wednesday) if I don't get the job I've just been interviewed for. I would love some one-to-one help; I have a friend who is a recovering alcoholic and she is great but as she says she has never LIVED with an alcoholic, only BEEN one and it's not the same!
There are counsellors but they all charge and I can't afford it. But I am very glad to have found this forum.

DrystaneDyke · Member

About me. Hmm. Hard one. Not to go into too much detail, my life has been fairly difficult. I am basically a solitary person, never had, never needed to be in a relationship. Then I met my partner three years ago at an advanced age & zap! love at first sight for both. I did not realise he was an alcoholic until after we moved in together and didn't realise how bad it was until relatively recently. I think my big "issue" is "How stupid I was to think for an instant that anything good could happen to me. I thought X was too good to be true and there you go, I was right."

He is a loving and caring person and never unpleasant, even at his drunkest. But in a way that blurs the issues.

I need, exactly as you say, to stop allowing his drinking to run MY life. To accept that yes, he's p%ssed again (p.s. how is this forum moderated? Do we have to mind our language?) but that's his business, not mine.

But oh gosh, how far I am from that!

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"