The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
today was my father's memorial service. it was perfect. we had a reception afterwards at his favorite resturant. he was a very popular loved man. the entire community cam to show their love. my kids were terrific. i had all of my friends there. i am such a lucky woman. to have had my father in my life and been there for the end of his. we were able to say the things we needed to. he was no saint but he was a truely incredible person and the best father and grandfather.
my ah called today before the service and asked it i would rather he didn't come to the service. (haven't seen him in 3 months...etc) i said i would rather he didn't come. he spoke to the kids and that was it.i have not grieved the loss of my marriage. i have not let my mind go back and be sad about the loss of our family. i have had too much to do. i really don't want to.
i know that i will have to go thru the process of grieveing my father. i do not want to do that either. i am scared of feeling. i feel it's like having the flu. you feel like you have to throw up. you know it's enivitable. you do every trick you know to not throw up. eventually you give in and let it happen and then you allways feel better. maybe not immediatly but sooner than you would have if you had kept it in and tried to use will power to stop it.
there is so much disfunction in this world. i believe it is unavoidable. but today insted of focusing on the negative( my mother came to the service and the reception--she has not seen or spoken to my dad in 20 years. messy divorce. had me convinced that my dad did not love me. is overall a very very sick person) i chose to focus on the miracle of love. the miracle of friendship and trust that those things will get me thru tonight.
i have to stop fighting and surrender to these feelings and honor them and my father. but i am all alone. i have you all and lots of friends but as in death it is something that only i can do. my honesty is i am scared. i "know" all of this is normal but that does not make it any easier.
again thank you all for all of your love and prayers and support. i know i can do it because i know you have done it.
I am sooooo sorry for your loss.. You are in such a difficult place right now and all i can say is .. Hug you children alittle tighter tonight..I think you both need it..
I will say a prayer for you and your family on both the loss of your father and your marriage..
You are so fortunate to have been there with your Dad at the end. Friday marks 21 years since my Dad died. I think of him often. It breaks my heart that my son never knew him. They would have been great together. My dad was always so proud of his family as I'm sure your Dad was proud of you. Take comfort in knowing that he is with you all the time now!
Don't rush the grieving process. We all do it the way it is right for us, one day at a time.
I am sorry for your loss. Sounds like you had an amazing relationship with your father. That is wonderful. You will at least not feel the guilt as you grieve like others do that did not have a relationship with their parents.
How to Survive the Loss of a Love (Mass Market Paperback) by Peter McWilliams, Harold H. Bloomfield, Melba Colgrove
This book, I highly recommend. It is wonderful and an easy reader. It has helpful suggestions along the grieving process and the most amazing poems that go along with the suggestions that will make you laugh and cry and help you grieve.
Keep going forward. You are correct. The only way to grieve is to go through it. Feel those feelings. Feel, deal and heal. Those are the magic three words. Be gentle and loving with yourself along the way too.
yours in recovery, Maria123
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
