mother died 6 months ago - Al-Anon Family Group

miamiave · Newbie

mother died 6 months ago

Diva · ~*Service Worker*~

Dear one, all of this is in the past, and you can do nothing to change any of it. You must accept what happened and go on. The longer you allow these circumstamces to eat at you, the longer the healing is going to take. I, too, regret that your mom had no kind words for you before her passing. Content yourself knowing that you did all you could for her both before and after her death. That fact should give you some peace in all this. I wish you well, and I wish you happiness. Please take care of yourself, Diva

abbyal · ~*Service Worker*~

HELLO MAIVE, Am so sorry about your mom , and the only suggestion I have is yes go to meetings talk to others about how u are feeling and you talk about it til u don't have to anymore. Grieving takes along time . Try and remember the good times , dwel on the happy memories , get out old pics if you can find some and let the tears flow.

I have friends who have gone to grief councelling and have said it helped them alot please see if u can fiind one. Keep commin here and talk as much as u want. (((((((((hugs)))))))))))) Louise

kerry5 · Senior Member

HI miamiave,

My mother died 1 year ago. I can relate to what you said. My parents were both alcoholics when i was growing up. My mom and me had some issues. I was angry too at the time she was sick because it was expected of me, to care for her at home. I wasnt asked. Then my father and sister got jealous because they were both to ill and couldnt help me. So i always heard how much i was doing it wrong and it scared my mother bedridden and my family would fight with me. My mom used to ask me after i cared for her will you go up stairs now and ill call you when i need you again? I was very angry at the way i was treated and lashed out at everyone who would listen. It is hard to accept and just move on. I am not close with my father and sister or anyone in my family either. So its definately been a very new and different life for me new territory. I havent done all the grieving i should have i pushed it aside afraid to go there. For now i just try to live life change and grow. Try not to be ashamed or figure out what i did wrong why i wasnt so loved, and realize its not my stuff its my moms. For her own reasons did all the things she did. There has been some good and i can remember that. Going on with life is just no other choice, its something i have to do because i have a life. I now know the life or the way i do not want to live and that is the life my mother had. I will work toward the life i want to live for me. Staying stuck on the whys and what ifs and could of just keeps me stuck in something that wont ever change anyway because my mom is passed. I am not. I found the first year really rough. I am changed forever and have realized things about myself that i wouldnt of ever thought. Now that i realize it its my own choice to move forward and make that change or stay stuck in fear. I will do my best. In my own time. BE gentle with you. I am sure your mother loved you, I know my mom was very scared in her last weeks. I hope this helps you a little. Take care of you.

KErry

miamiave · Newbie

Thank you all for being supportive and understanding. I know that it's my responsibilty to do my best to leave the past behind and get on with my life.Dealing with a family of alcoholics can be truly brain damaging most of the time. But I know that I have to understand that in all probability, they are not being consciously malicious towards me... they are just so completely self-centered and blind to their own behavior. If alcoholics only knew about even half the damage that they do to the people around them. The self-centeredness and the complete lack of personal accountability that alcoholics have drives me nuts!!!
I'm happy that I found this message board-it'll help me get through some rough times.

nycbt · ~*Service Worker*~

Welcome to MIP. You are not alone. There a lot of people who understand.

World Service Organization Website –

WWW.al-anon.alateen.org

Phone number is 1-888-425-2666

Alanon meetings 800-351-9996

Alanon literature Worldwide 888-425-2666

Alanon meeting info. 800-433-7266 AA info.

Chat room is open 24/7 there here the link to www.mipchat.net or http://www.12stepforums.net/chatroom2.html

Here are some things that have helped me since in the program.

Go face to face meeting & online meeting.

post on the board here on the site. I have gotten a lot of good feed back.

· Set support system. people do not judge. You need someone who can go for coffee on a bad day, or pick up a phone and call when in trouble. The support is what is important when you first this program.

Have a sponsor. Someone work one on one with you.

You don’t have to do this the minute u come to the program but I suggest that u do it when u can. It help.

Meeting schedule: meetings are in here and run approximately 90 minutes from: Monday-Friday, 9 am and 9 pm EST, Saturday: 10 am and 9 pm EST, Sunday: 10 am and 7 pm EST. Topics are selected by participants at meeting time. UK +5 hours, central -1 hour, mountain -2 hours, pacific -3 hours. Open chat all other times.

maresie2 · ~*Service Worker*~

My mother died more than 4 years ago unexpectedly. My relationshiip with my family of origin did change after that and is still in the process of changing. I am so so glad for you that you are reaching out and looking for support and care and understanding. I am aware that I had very few real resources for care and support during that time. I took a long long time to start really grieving and yes some of my grief did include anger. My mother died as she lived in much dysfunction. So some of my grief has been how cheated I felt of a mother both as a child and as an adult. I hope you will continue to share on this topic.

Maresie2.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.