The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today has been a long one. My husband was late it has been raining all day very unusual for here and my gut instinct told me he was drinking. He did not answer my phone calls and my instinct was spot on. He rocks up with his friend and pretends he has not been drinking which always makes my radar see red. I find it very hard to be polite towards his friend or should I say partner in crime. My husband's excuse when I asked him why he was so late I HAVE BEEN WORKING HARD ALL DAY. I replied yeah right and walked away. I already know that they have been bogged down a bush track because of the rain. This route home was needed because they both had consumed alcohol. My days of waiting on eggshells for him to come through the bush track are over. I am going to say the serenity prayer tonight I need it. Things have been good here, too good in fact and it always amazes me how I get sucked back in to thinking we can work through it all. Thanks for listening. Luv Leo xxx
(((((Leo)))) I am sorry for the rain and the drinking. The serenity prayer is a good one I use it often.
Can you make a plan B for when he is late, maybe a plan C, something that you can do for yourself? When I stopped waiting for my husband to stop drinking I discovered a whole new world of interests and possibilities
In support
Megan
__________________
Megan
If you want things you never had you need to do things you have never done
Hi Leo, How well I know those evenings. i even started when I was a kid waiting for my Dad. nuts! what kid waits for her dad? Didn't I have my own friends, my own interests? I like what Meagan says cuz she's right. Very inspiring. I hope to remember a world of pleasure awaits me if I quit tying my outcome to someone else's behavior. take care --- Jill
Oh this disease! Just when you think you are learning how to handle it,and things are going okay something hits us in the gut. I would get so made at hubby for doing this. I would get mad at his disease. I would just get plain . But I'm learning to let it go. The anger and frustration could comsume me at moments. Work my program? Why bother he wasn't working his, and that was our deal.
Truth be told, I haven't missed the chaos this past week. Will he or won't he be sober? Did he or didn't he take his meds? On and on. Okay part of this is being married. But at some point I had to give up the babysitting. We all slip when do don't work our program. Let's face it, this recovery work is hard stuff and draining. We're entitled to take a break.
My point was, you're doing the best you can. Keep that Serenity Prayer handy, and focus on detaching a bit more if you can. Easier said than done, I know. Even now there are moments I struggle with it. Be extra good to yourself. Remember you deserve to be healthy and happy too.
Sending you lots of love, blessings and sunshine .
Live strong,
Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
P.S. You can blame it on me this weekend if things get tough. I can handle it.
__________________
It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
Wow!!! You are living my life!!!! Last weekend was wonderful, my A and I spent time together and apart, it was a nice balance. I really started to believe again. Last night he was on his way home at 9pm, he was with his partner in crime. We talked briefly on the phone, he was snappy with me and explained that he had a long day, wrapped up in his partner's drama with his siblings....I explained that I didn't cause it and the his rudness was unnecesary, he agreed and apoligized and said he was on his way home....well guess what? It's almost 11am here and I have no idea where he slept last night. His partner called to see if he was here, nope. A couple we know got married last night and his partner is sure he must of crashed there. He said he left the bar at 9'ish and my A was toasted........I believe my days of waiting are over also. I said the Serenity Prayer over, over, and over. Also "Let go, Let God" I believe we teach people how they can treat us, I guess my A will be getting a lesson .....Hang in there.
I too know how painful waiting can be. I have learned that the more I keep the focus on me the less painful it is. Do what you need to do to take care of YOU!
Megans idea of a plan b or c is a good idea. It gives you a chance to be prepared to take care of you and not have to be trying to think of a plan when your head is spinning in anger.
Thanks everyone I know my failing is that I am focused and relaxed on me and then when he comes into the house my personal space is broken up. I think that is half the problem why I react and focus on him. I need to learn to just get up walk away and say nothing. I do find that bit of detaching hard though. I am feeling much stronger today not communicating with him as yet as I am too angry but when he does try to open the lines with me I will let him know calmly how his drinking impacted on me the other night. You guys are the best. Thanks. Luv Leo xxx
Isn't it funny now we just know......and when we begin to trust the other shoe falls right out of the sky.....I totally understand where you are coming from.......
For me, one day I just had enough, enough of walking on those darn eggshells, enough of the lies...just plain enough....
Over the past several years, I have received TONS of compliments from various people in my F2F and online groups of "how far along" I have come in my recovery, yada, yada, yada.... Although I appreciate every single compliment, and agree in general, MY reality is that my ex-wife A, is now over four years sober, AND we no longer are married!!! I know this program works, and yes, I did learn a lot of valuable tools that helped me, during the active years..... But bottom line is this is an incredibly hard disease to deal with, when we are (relatively) healthy, and our loved one is so sick.... Active alcoholism wears the best of us down, and it's a major reason why we need each other, our programs of recovery, F2F Al-Anon, etc., etc....
Glad you're posting, talking, learning, etc..... it all helps...
Take care of you...
T
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
this disease! Just when you think you are learning how to handle it,and things are going okay something hits us in the gut. I would get so made at hubby for doing this. 
I would get mad at his disease. I would just get plain 
. But I'm learning to let it go. The anger and frustration could comsume me at moments. Work my program? Why bother he wasn't working his, and that was our deal. 
.
