The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
i have not spoken to my dad in 6 months b/c i found out that he started drinking again. he WAS a wonderful father & papaw. then the drinking got in the way. he became a different person. definitely not the man i remember and not the man i want my kids to see growing up. for my childrens and for me i cut off all ties.
last week my 4yr old and i were flipping through a family photo albumn and saw a picture of my dad. my son adores papaw b/c he's so "fun and funny." i pointed to the picture and asked him who that was. my son had no clue. he had forgotten him in just 6 months. i felt like the worst mom in the world!!
i thought about it day and night and then thought some more! i decided to cave in. being mad and stubborn got me no where. i called him the next day. he was so shocked to hear from me. to be honest i was shocked that i was actually calling him. i made him the deal that "on his own time, he can do whatever he wants. if he wants to kill himself by drinking-FINE!" then i told him that "on my time, he will be sober or he can't come around me and my family." he was really excited about it and agreed instantly. i spoke to him a few minutes more and said my goodbyes.
as soon as i hung up the phone, i asked myself "what did i just do?" i felt like i just made a deal with the devil. i can't help but think how stupid i am and how i know this whole thing is going to just blow up in my face. i am afraid that when i see him that i am just going to be disappointed. i hope that he can stop drinking for a few hours to visit with his family. i hope he doesn't let me and my kids down. they are so excited to see him again b/c it has been way too long.
all i am asking for is a sober man when my children and i are present. that's it!! hope this works for our family.
this disease is awful. the way it affects the family not just the alcoholic. they are at least "medicated" and we are totally sober. but the way i read it seems that you are just detatching with love. the love you have for your children and your father is making it posible for you to re- establish a relationship with him for your childern's sake. it sounds like this program is working miracles in your life. no doubt it will be hard but you are doing the next best thing. feel good that your kids will know and love their grandfather. love and peace
I recently had a problem with my father, not an A, just doesn't understand alcoholism. When Ileft my AH he thought I was nuts. It hurt me deeply, but I chose not to make it a war, I just stated my case and told him he had to learn how to deal with it and I was not going to explain anymore.
I did this because I did not want to jepordize the relationship forever for me and my kids. My Dad is in his 70's and didnot want something to happen and to have it end that way. No matter what the age, there is no guarantee for tomorrow for anyone at any age. In my opinion family is not replaceable or disposable. I still allow my children to see my AH at times when I know there are no opportunities for him to drink. He meant a lot to them, did a lot for them and still has a lot to offer them when sober. I just have to pick the times carefully.
Josey
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Julianne - It's best to move on. You cannot look back in anger in life. It's too short
