my 3 year old told me today that her dad loves her. i said yes he does (hasn't seen him in 3 months). she said he should come here to our house. the she asked if he is with jesus. i told her no grandpa is with jesus. she said dad loves me and her sisters. i said yes he does. then i was talking to my mother (hasn't spoken to my father in 20 years--always put me in the middle of them) and she read the obit and was pissed because it mentioned nothing about the town where we used to live, where he had his first business, where our family was and how much time and energy he spent on the house and business etc. he wrote his own obit months ago. he was a funeral director so he had everything planned exactly the way he wanted. she said it was just the final slap in the face. and she was mad at me because i proof read it yesterday and maybe i should have changed it. no way! the thing is it takes two. and he had changed or maybe he always was a forgiving family oriented person but my mother always had me believe that he was a heartless liar who never loved me and who i should never rely on. later in life i found all of that to be untrue. my mother is a very sick woman but refuses to see it. here's the thing...how do  i respond to her in a way that i can feel good about...a way that the progam has given me....some way that i can protect myself and detatch from her?she owns me financially.she helps me with the kids now that i am a single parent. i could have been hurt by the obit and the glaring omission but i choose to see it as he didn't want to put a failure in his obit. he had closed the business when my parents finally split and i bet he felt that was a faliure he did not want to revisit.i know he didn't do it to be spiteful. and so what if he did. leave me out of it! he never said one bad word about her to me.never. all she ever said was bad stuff about him which just makes me despise her. and yet again it's all about her. she has to have someone to blame. big things, small things. she asked for my best friend's phone number the other day, a number i dial 2-3 times a day. i gave it to her. 20 minutes later she called me back and said "you gave me the wrong number" she read it back to me and she had the first 3 numbers wrong.she had used the common first 3 numbers of her area insted of the numbers i gave her. but it was my fault. i said them wrong. no chance that she had it wrong just cause. i don't react or aruge anymore. but somethings i am about to lose it.stress and grief and i'm doing the best i can but it is difficult. she doesn't care she is just mad and has it all turned around so it's all about her. it makes this bubble of rage rise inside me and i don't want it to burst on her. would just make things worse and confirm to her that i am what she says i am. a selfish, stupid brat who is a bad mother.