The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
(Ouch) feels like advice with a back hand to it, “shopping list quality”, hum never thought of it that way. Personally I thought I was communicating the best way I knew how. Absolutely “sobriety is life or death for the A in our lives” I’m learning that as he continues with the program, but I have also learned that it doesn’t give the A permission to step all over a person, but thanks for the input.
With that, today I realized something about myself. In this short period of time, I learned that fear is what overwhelms me it takes over and I make very bad choices an example is I losing it and become hysterical because I’m so fearful of change/unknown. For most of my life when ever there was some type of misunderstanding or argument amongst family members or friends I would become terrified if it didn’t have a good conclusion. If a time out was needed or break, even a let’s sleep on it and talk about in the morning, I’m incapable of this it causes me to panic/fear. What ever it is it paralyzes me where I make no sense and make bad choices. So if I can work on this part of myself, I can then have some peace and welcome the change instead of reacting to the change, then many parts in my life and my interaction with the A in my life could improve.
Hello, angel, Thank you for your post. I can relate to fear! Dealing with my fear has been a major part of my recovery. I still - after 20 years - become afraid in certain situations. For me, learning to deal with my fear has been a process - it hasn't happened overnight. I have learned to love my fear as if it is the little child inside of me who is still afraid even though I am an adult. Sometimes I just have to take her in hand and tell her to trust me, that I will speak up for us and take care of us. Over the course of several years, I also had very vivid dreams about my fear. It was in the form of a wall that I learned to scale. One description of fear I have heard in the Program is: FEAR = False Expectations Assumed Real. Fear is not necessarily bad, however, is what I've also learned. Like any of my other feelings, it is a message to me. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. It helps me in recovery, too. mebjk
Before I started to really work my program, I was so full of fear. I was afraid to make any choices. The someone told me that not making a choice was a choice. I never really saw it like that.
After really putting time into my program I have been able to let go of most of my fear. I have a great HP who takes really great care of me.
Keep coming back.
Much Love,
__________________
"Today's problems can not be solved if we still think the way we did when we created them" -Albert Einstein
My soon to be ex-husband (divorce on JUNE 9th, just found out!) who is not an A but is an a'hole, once told me that "Fear is a strong motivator"
You know what, that SOB is right!
Fear has motivated me to tolerate the following:
question my faith in God, my values, my morals and my interest in being a mother and an employee (these things get compromised in the madness of dealing with alcoholism)
change into a quiverring self loathing shell of the woman I was just a few short months ago, a woman who was admired by so many and inspired others to live a positive Christian life
drink to get drunk just to spend time with my A
hang out with low life scumbags just to spend time with my A
tolerate abusive (not physical) behaviors and complete rejection just to hang on to my A
look at every woman in the bar I am at with my A and become insane that she is saying HELLO to him because she is going to pounce on him the next time she sees him out without me around, she is not REALLY just saying Hello, she is saying, wanna f*ck?
leave my kids (17 and 6) at home alone at 11:00 pm so I can rush 20 mintues away to retrieve him from his disgusting welfare friends house where he has blacked out on Rum so that my A wont drive home, and no tramp around the area can sleep with him either
tolerate liberalism, atheist/agnostic attitudes, my political and religious views being laughed at
sex that can last and last, but HE can never climax because of the booze! sex that is NOT gratifying most times because he is so wore out and diseased he cannot perform well and he loses interest in sex, which he blames me for, I dont turn him on because I am conservative, pro life and voted for Bush twice and I watch Hannity & Colmes - yes, he said all those things and backs them up
allow him to treat me like absolute trash, a nuisance, a pest and obsessed weirdo just so I can see his face and hear his voice
judge myself as a lunatic, a loser, a worthless nut and a terrible ugly undesirable disaster - I am actually an attractive well put together kind loving genuine person - but FEAR does that to you
The FEAR motivates me.....the FEAR of losing my A forever motivates me.....it has motivated me into aboslute disgrace.
I pray we can learn together to love and forgive ourselves for living in this nightmare, and loving our A's.
