The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I see that some of you are still on the board and maybe can relate to my situation. My spouse is finally in AA and working with a sponsor. It only took 31 years. So some days I see a person who is more reasonable and grounded, definitely making progress. And some days I have that nasty, moody person around, who I do not care for. I got an apology on Monday after an "alcoholic" day, which rarely happens (an apology), and yesterday the alcoholic was back. I've been in alanon for 13 years this June, and I'm not finished. I ask God to give me patience and compassion everyday. I know it's going to be a long haul. I'm just so tired of the stress, even though I handle it much better and don't engage. One day at a time, right? Let go and let God, yes? Pause and Think. Thank goodness for the Serenity Prayer....
Hi Lynn. I know what you are going through. It sounds like it has already been a long haul. Does it matter what the AH is doing? What matters is what you are doing for you. I have been where you are countless times. I always need to remind myself to bring it back to me. Its such a trap to fall into. Promises of sobriety get me every time. Even the long stretches of time when things go well and I feel happy in my relationship. Thats when the drinking begins and the harm seems worse each time, like the worst deceit. I am the one who is losing myself in his reality. What do I need? What do you need? You are not alive to be a cheerleader for someone else. How can you cheer yourself on? Be gentle with yourself. What is the next right thing?
Thank you sunmustshine for your reply. The next right thing is most likely keeping the focus on me and healing myself no matter what the alcoholic is doing. The next right thing is remembering what my sponsor taught me: have no expectations. And even though I've been practicing that for years, I guess I get a little foggy when things feel better and a little stable. I have to remind myself that my spouse is in early recovery and I have no idea what the future holds. I need to continue to work on MY future though. :)
Thank goodness he's in aa. And he will cycle in and out of sanity and Insanity because he has been drunk for so long, I know my ex never got into AA but my brother who's been sober now 2 years, he went to 12 steps in the beginning but he doesn't go anymore but I kind of sponsor him to keep him going on the right track but they cycle in and out for a while until they get used to being more emotionally sober. So anyway that's my experience with my brother my other brother's been sober 5 years and so he's a bit more level and I don't want to say sane but maybe emotionally sober but he's got three years on my other brother and I'm best friends with both of them and I sort of sponsor them with a 12 steps because I just want them to be step-minded and I encourage them and so it's working out pretty good but it's going to take time
Hi Lyne, I'm so sorry you have this. Thank goodness for Alanon and that you're working your program to keep the focus on you. I know for myself how hard it can be to keep the focus on myself and not have expectations. Sending positive thoughts and support.
