Thought about sending this to his friend but I am going to sit on it for 24 hours.

A good rule of thumb when talking to your friends about their relationships is to never choose sides or to say anything negative about the other person and stay out of it as much as possible. There are two sides to every story. If someone seems unreasonable, it may be because you don't know the whole story. Then your words will be used in a future argument to "back them up" Again, it may be unfairly reported what you had said because it was taken out of context and it merely is used for support of their own argument. Which in the end, all that actually accomplishes is to cause resentment from spouse to their spouse's friend. I don't want to see that happen. I like you, so I am going to give you the benefit of the doubt. So whatever you said about me this time, I am letting it go. I don't need an explanation or anything along that lines. You don't know the whole story and really I don't know the whole story about DH and your conversation. Only what DH told me so I take it with a grain of salt. I know you want to seem supportive of your buddy. I understand that. But there are ways to be supportive, yet not get involved. here are a few catch phrases, "I am sorry to hear that." "I see that you are frustrated. I hope things get better." "if you want to talk, I'll listen. I can't offer any advice but I am here for you" I am not going to bother with telling my side of the story. You only know what you know out of necessity. I prefer to keep DH's and I relationship issues between us because I prefer people to think highly of my spouse and ultimately it's no one's business but our own. So no hard feelings on my end and I hope what I have said here hasn't offended you in some way. I just want all of us to be happy with one another and that's hard to do sometimes when the gossip train get involved.

(((((Tippergirl))))

There are always two sides to evrey story and most A's are masters at spinning it to their advantage. It is part of how this disease protects itself. While it hurts to know that they are making themsleves look like the victim, I agree it is really not our business, nor is there anyhting we can do about it.

many people who don't understand will either think we are fools or a complete"bitch". Sometimes both. Unless they are in the same situation they have no right to judge. You will drive yourself nuts if you let their opinions of you matter.

For years I have tried to convince my husbands family that what he was doing is destructive. They looked at him as the poor suffering husband of that witch of a wife. It didn't matter that they saw he did not work, they defended that. They called me lazy while I worked and greedy that I wanted him to work. They called me selfish when I didn't want him to drink, but I was the one who got blamed when he disrupted a family function by getting drunk and out of control. I was expected to control him, and was labeled a "bitch" if I tried. Even with the proof in fornt of them, they thought what they wanted.

Don't worry about things you cannot control. You know the truth, your HP knows the truth, and though he will not admitt it, you DH knows the truth. Most likely the people he is telling his stories to, know the truth as well, though they also will not admitt it.

                                                    Love Jeannie