The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Detachement for me has been "walking away from everyone I love and have come to respect in my life." But for me the detachment I choose was because "I" wanted to find me to learn what it is that I have lost over so much time. I had gotten close to so many people and forgot that I wasn't meeting my own individual "NEEDS=ME". I have tried so many times to write the email and letters to my "friends" found out I "can't do this on my own". I have started going to f2f meetings to see if it would help and it did they are wonderful. Actually got a hug last time (big smile on that one). Still haven't gotten "SPONCER" but I know my HP will show me the way. "My feelings for my A are well known, but it isn't about him it is about me." I need to get heathy in my mind, heart, soul. Until I can completely do that I will stay on the "MERRY GO ROUND", I want off of it. I want to make a change in me. So for the next few months that is what I am going to do, work on me. "Repairing all the damage I have done to myself and asking forgivness to those I have unintentionally hurt". I am making "AMENDS". No matter what happens I know that not everyone will forgive me. "So that I leave in my HP hands". I hope in time that all the wrongs I have done will someday be meet with "FORGIVENESS". Trying to hold my boundries. Everyday I try it does get easier for me with detachment. I am a "BELIEVER IN THIS PROGRAM". I know it works it if you work it. So that is what I am going to do from here on out. Going to stand my ground and not let things get to me. In time I hope you all give me a chance to show you the "REAL ME THAT I HAVE FINALLY FOUND" she is "silly, fun, loving, head strong, caring, and "not a mess", but also "very quiet at times". Learning to put the pieces of my life together one step at a time. Take what you want or need leave the rest.
Lots of love to you everyone and thanks for your support,
Angeleyes
__________________
I believe in my HP to show me the way!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That was an inspirational post.!!! It is really hard to find yourself in the caos of living with someone with an addiction.. I feel the same way, i dont even remember who i am, what i like or dont like .. I have spent my entire life pleasing everyone but me.. I can so relate to your post... CONGRATULATIONS, keep working on YOU and keep posting.. !!
Thank you for sharing !! We are all pulling for you..
My daughter came with me to work for a few hours while i finished up some paperwork the other day. She sat across the desk from me, in my "office with a view"(I worked hard to get there...) and when i looked up at her following a phone call, she was seeing me for a different person. I asked what was wrong, and she said..."WOW MOM! I wouldn't have known what to say to that person....you are amazing". I realized in that moment that my own 13 yr old daughter did not know the "real world" mommy.
It forced me to see something so obvious to others...in the world, i am me...fun, smart, adventurous, courageous, determined, charismatic, etc....but the moment I pull the car into the driveway, i feel that person pull away, and sit in the passenger seat. She refuses to come into my house...she stays in the car and waits for me to come back out to go somewhere besides home. If she came in, she would convince me that I deserve much better.
Perhaps we are protecting ourselves....or our A spouse when we detach from our true self. Whatever the reason, it is no way to live.
I look forward to witnessing the journey you are undertaking....and watching the butterfly break out of the protective coccoon.
Thank you for this post. It is a very powerful one for me to hear.
I start over on the steps...and over.... lol. Really depends on the day. I focus each day to staying in the moment. on my breathing and meditating. helps me to not let myself project. I do want to progress in the program.. of course. I feel I am each day. Better. Stronger in Faith. Stronger with Hope.
Times and the ways of people these days.... we seem to all be in such a hurry. But with the help of this program....having the wonderful ability to apply what I learn each day from myself... from others. To others. AND I have my books....I have the group, the face to face meetings. HERE (Alanon) is the one place that I dont have to hurry it along... to feel I'm progressing.
You're Doing Great!!!! Keep Working It YOU ARE WORTH IT!
(I worked hard to get there...) and when i looked up at her following a phone call, she was seeing me for a different person. I asked what was wrong, and she said..."WOW MOM! I wouldn't have known what to say to that person....you are amazing". I realized in that moment that my own 13 yr old daughter did not know the "real world" mommy. 
that I dont have to hurry it along... to feel I'm progressing. 
Keep Working It 
YOU ARE WORTH IT! 
Hug)))))))