The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
When I got to work last night, I was in a really bad place. MyA relapsed (again). A much younger co-worker took me aside and relayed a story that was given to her by her AA counselor:
At Niagra Falls, people stood by and watched as a bald eagle landed to feed on a deer lying in the river. As time went by the current slowly pulled the deer into the current and it was carried down the river. As the river began to flow faster, the eagle tried to fly away, but his talons were frozen to the carcass. As much as he struggled, he could not free himself and was carried over the falls. Witnessess said that they could hear his screams over the noise of the falls.
He related that to the disease of alcoholism by saying that it starts out slow and seems to be a good thing and by the time you realize that you are in danger, you can't break free and no matter how hard you try, without help you cannot get away and it will carry you to a fall.
Because we are as addicted to our A's just as they are addicted to their alcohol, I think the same thing can be said about us getting sucked back in. Maybe this time it will be safe to stay awhile and before we realize, we have our own relapse.
I hope this inspires someone else the way it did me.
That really helps me because I have had a marriage full of: "maybe this time it will be safe." and then I am stuck again in the relationship and cant bear to leave him, my addiction. Now that he is in jail and I was force tto go thru the pain of the withdrawal and havent been with him in 2 months, I am starting to see that even my worst days without him and his insanity have been better than my "best" days with him (and I mean his sober periods). He is that toxic. Still is, and hes got almost two months now sober (in jail). Hes just sick and dry and I was soooooooooooooooo addicted to him. Still am, but getting better. SLowly. Thank you for that story and thank you God for taking him away the only way I could ever handle.
