Hello My name is Christa and I am new to the board but no where near new to what is going on. My husband is a alcholic. it started really even before we were married. We both partied and drank but only on weekends and when I got pregnant he even stoped drinking since I could not. well 8 months after our daughter was born drinking started up agian. not so bad at first but then got worse and worse. He had gotten out of the military and could not find a job right away. not until our daughter was 7 months old.  even when our second daughter was born he could not stop and even showed up to the hospital drunk. We moved 2 weeks later after that in with his parents because he had lost his job 3 months prior and my job was just not enough money to keep us afloat. well after many many many trips to rehab and detox centers and a lot of counseling my husband became clean and sober last july. 

That is until this week.

I was worried agian earlier this week when his behavior changed. in the last few weeks he has made some new friends and so he does not come home until late at night and then this week things really changed. I began to suspect he was drinking with his new buddies but I could not prove it. He did smell funny but had other things covering up so could not be 100% plus i was sure he had quit so that way we could move on with our lives. well tonight I confirmed it about a hour ago I found a 18pack of beer hiding away. Still very cold. and 3 missing. I found the cans empty near the box of beer. Then I went on a hunt of the house and i found a old can in the bedroom back of the closet hiding. so now I know that this has been going on for a bit. I called his mom if he gets back before 11pm I am to call her agian otherwise we will wait till in the morning to figure out what to do. So while I wait for him to come home (oh and he took my car with the carseats and so I am stuck here with the kids with no car so I cant go find him) I wonder what to do. So I turn to you for help. I said I would leave him if he did this. HEll I have not really loved him in a while Just put up with him because I thought well he did it, he is sober now I will give it another chance. but My heart hurts really it just hurts. I am really scared of being alone. Well I do love him I mean he is the father of my kids but I am just not really in love anymore. I lost that feeling after being hurt so many times. part of me knew he would slip up agian and part of me was hoping for it so I would have a chance to say hey good bye once and forall. but can I really do it. where would I go. I mean I moved to where he grew up where I dont know anyone and 17 months after moving I still dont know anyone except for those people I know from work. I have no family. my closest family is in georgia and thats my mom. but she is a truck driver so moves around alot. The rest are scattered around the US. I am soo scared I dont know what will happen when he comes home and sees I dumped out his beer. I just pray he will go back to counseling.

ok well he came home while I was typing this. His mom came in to town and found him. she is taking him home with her. he admitted to drinking since last sunday night. Oh and of course its all my fault. I am the reason he drinks and I am a bitch and I dont do his laundry and I just dont to anything and oh if I spend any money tomorrow I am stealing because oh yea its  his money. Sooo anyone know a good divorce lawyer I swear I think he has pushed me to my edge. He has been soo mean. You know the kids saying "sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me" but you know what. Words hurt worse. the heart is slower to heal. so I need help from those who have been there. What is my next step. tomorrow morning I am going to go see my pastor and talk to her but other than that I dont know what to do.