The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have always been a logical, analytical thinker. Today, I am working on detachment. Detachment with love.....and it starts for me, learning about the disease of alcoholism.
My father in law (h's step dad) passed away 4 yrs ago, and was a recovering alcoholic who was heavy into AA, and actually gave my H his copy of Alcoholics Anonymous...that big beautiful blue book.
I was in denial at that time, as was my H, and he took it, flattered at the passing off to him of such a "heirloom" as my H thought of it...and it sat collecting dust for these past yrs..I viewed it from time to time, wishing that my husband had his step dad to see him through his illness....felt slighted that he had died....was manipulative in my thinking, and know it now.
In my healing, i picked up the book today. I started reading, and a feeling of such compassion and acceptance for my H came over me...but it was different this time. I was not pining for him, but getting to know him better. I decided to be compassionate and loving to him, but I did not visualize being WITH him to do it. Today, i decided to love him from afar....no fantasy reunion, just accepting him as human, and not judging him. I can support him without compromising my own well being. What I learned in the first few chapters of that book have opened my eyes to see that he is not alone....so I don't have to worry about his wellness...his resources are out there if he chooses to reach out. I also know, that I too am not alone, and can reach out in a different direction to help me come to terms with my own need for recovery.
Funny....years ago i went to an Al Anon meeting, and purchased Courage to Change.....do you think I can find it today? I look forward to putting my life back on track, and discovering all of the things I had previously lost in this marriage....or allowed to be lost. Today is a new day...filled with promise and hope....hope for me and my sanity. Hope for me and my children...hope for the future, regardless of what my H does in his own journey.
I loved this post Jen, as it was a great reminder that we don't always have to tie in things like "loving our A's" with "staying"... None of us is in any position to ever truly know enough about each other's situations to be able to recommend whether a person should "stay or go", but I do see some times where people, in my opinion, allow things like "we should love our A's unconditionally" to evolve into "that means I must stay, and put up with unacceptable behaviors".
There are no right or wrong answers on this one, but your post was really good, and really powerful. I think it explains the 'program of recovery' we are on in better terms than I ever could, and you definitely sound strong and in a good place in your recovery. Thanks for sharing.
Tom
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
WOW!! Sounds like you have had a great day! I love moments of enlightenment and peace!! Glad you found some comfort and love. You sound like you are doing well. It sounds like you have some good memories of your father-in-law too. That's always nice. You continue to take care of you. I wish you luck!
Jennifer what a nice post, Thank you for sharing. In my opinion, sounds like you picked up the correctbook for youtoday I hope you will consider printing out your share and/ or add to your journal. wishes, t
I've heard that true compassion has to start with yourself. You begin to see, "I'm like that." Then you can give compassion through your own humanity. I'm inspired to also read through the Big Book today, we have several copies here. Thank you!
Courage to Change is available in current print, and I see it at the various Alanon meetings I attend. It's also shown below at the bottom of these pages. I have a copy for daily insight.
