Today's reading uses the example of trying to control the drinking of an alcoholic. The person in this reading made many attempts but all were unsuccessful. They continued to try and expected a different result. Unable to admit their powerlessness over the progression of another's alcoholism, they believed their intervention would lessen the drinker's drinking. They believed they were helping and that it was the right thing to do. The reading points out that such actions rather than helping are enabling and contributing to the problem.

The reading goes on to recommend a change of focus one's own life rather than engaging and trying to change another's drinking problem. It suggests considering one's motivation for taking an action with an emphasis on making choices because they are good for me, not because of the effect they might have on another.

Today's reminder acknowledges that change is hard when I have an established pattern of behavior. With the help of Al-anon I can stop these actions and make choices. I can choose what I think is right for me.

"You have to count on living every single day in a way you believe will make you feel good about your life..." Jane Seymour

This is a great reading for me at the moment. I visited with someone I had not seen in a long time. It had become difficult to continue communication. I wanted to clear the air, put closure on the past. I had hoped time and program experience might help us to begin anew. This was not so much based on an expectation but rather on possibilities - h.o.p.e. having other possibilities emerge.

My motivation in how I communicated to this person was infused with teachings from our Al-anon program that I felt might unify us rather than further separate us. I expressed gratitude for having been a part of my recovery journey in the past. I listened and offered loving support concerning some current and unfortunate life situations that they are experiencing. With many years in the program, I found it odd that our conversation was one way. There was no inquiry as to how I or those I love are today. In the past, I would have felt so discomforted by the lack of interest that I would have begun filling the dead air with all of the things about myself I'd hoped would be of interest to the other person. I no longer do this with other people. How can I make an estimation if you care anything about me if I do the work for you. I did offer that I had not chosen distance over the years due to a hurtful action toward me by this person but rather because we were simultaneously experiencing turmoil in our lives. I mentioned that I personally felt moving away from our sharing relationship with one another was addition by subtraction. Long story short, there was some selective amnesia (word selection is inventory taking here I know) about the facts of the offense toward me that had let to my mistrust of this person. What had occurred was not mentioned but rather what this person believed was in fact an offense toward them. Honestly, this was pure gaslighting. Did I mention they are not the alcoholic in their household? So, no good deed goes unpunished. I made the choice to meet, find common ground, perhaps find a new beginning based on growth, mutual respect and progress that may have occurred for each of us. I did acknowledge the additional incident they spoke of but let them know that my reaction to it was predicated on their past inappropriate behavior toward me that was very fresh at the time. In fact, I was a bit taken aback that they would exhibit the same inappropriate behavior towards someone else so immediately after acknowledging they had done this to me and and were sorry they hurt me. The repetition had caused me to lose trust in them. I responded by calling the behavior to their attention at that time. Apparently, they have been holding onto this and wanted to remind me of it. I used Al-anon's tool say what you mean, mean what you say but don't say it mean to put closure on this. I realize that in the Al-anon program it is my job to examine my motives, look at my part in situations but it is also progress to not find myself over apologizing. I can admit when I am wrong. I am not sure my friend can. I am powerless over how others choose to work their program but I am not powerless to move away the drama of engagement which I don't believe will lead to any greater understanding or a more positive outcome overall. I don't have to show up to every fight that I am invited to. It's best for my serenity.