Hi all, sad news again.  My oldtimer Winny was put to sleep last night.  For those that were here about a year back, you remember when i had to put Blue down too.  As hard as it was this time, it was also a lot easier in a lot of ways.He was old, had kidney failure and just wasn't doing good at all, so i knew i was making the right choice.   

I'm posting it here because with all the heartbreak of the situation, i had a major victory as well.  Normally, when feeling those heart wrinching feelings of loss and pain and hurt, my defects are at their strongest.  I was to save the world, no matter the cost, I was to hide in a corner and cry, not let anyone see my emotions, hold back the tears ect. 

It started last week i believe, due to my surgery, i had brought all of them up to a neighors to pasture while i recovered.  People were checking the water and to see that all were ok and all was fine all week.  I went up to see them a week later and winny was a absolute walking skeleton.  He looked like what you see on the animal planet and my heart just broke with pain and fear ect.

I asked some different neighbors walk him home, and tried to feed him grain and high calorie feed.  He would not eat, not even out of my hand.  I called the vet, and then called the sweet old man who had given me winny a little while back.  That second call was the hardest call i think i have ever made.

I felt responsible for his sickness, and i felt like i had let this wonder old man down.  Normally, i would not face those feelings, let alone admit them, but due to this program and what it has taught me, I was able to.

When the vet got here, he told me what i knew he would tell me, that my friend Winny's time had come.  I went next door, told the sweet old man who gave him to me, and asked if he wanted to say goodbye.  He came over and walked him to his final resting place. 

As hard as it was, I learned a lot about me.  I learned how to ask for help, and saw how much others wanted to.  Due to my recent surgery, i still dont have much strength.  I had a neighbor help me with the other horses, a different neighbor help me to be ok and stayed with me a while while another neighbor buried him with his tractor for me on another neighbor's property. 

What a gift to have such wonderful friends for neigbors, but i have to say, they wouldn't be friends if it wasn't for this program.  I wouldn't have reached out to say hi let alone open myself up to a friendship towards any of them due to fear.  This program has given me so much to be greatful for and it's the hard times like this that i see it the most.  I see hp working through others, and i feel him comforting me in a time of need.  Truely an awesome feeling.

Thanks all for letting me get that all out if you made it all the way to here!

love you all, Trina