One week...and deep in thought - Al-Anon Family Group

Jennfer32 · Veteran Member

One week...and deep in thought

nycbt · ~*Service Worker*~

World Service Organization Website –

WWW.al-anon.alateen.org

Phone number is 1-888-425-2666

Alanon meetings 800-351-9996

Alanon literature Worldwide 888-425-2666

Alanon meeting info. 800-433-7266 AA info.

Chat room is open 24/7 there here the link to www.mipchat.net or http://www.12stepforums.net/chatroom2.html

Here are some things that have helped me since in the program.

Go face to face meeting & online meeting.

post on the board here on the site. I have gotten a lot of good feed back.

· Set support system. people do not judge. You need someone who can go for coffee on a bad day, or pick up a phone and call when in trouble. The support is what is important when you first this program.

Have a sponsor. Someone work one on one with you.

You don’t have to do this the minute u come to the program but I suggest that u do it when u can. It help.

Meeting schedule: meetings are in here and run approximately 90 minutes from: Monday-Friday, 9 am and 9 pm EST, Saturday: 10 am and 9 pm EST, Sunday: 10 am and 7 pm EST. Topics are selected by participants at meeting time. UK +5 hours, central -1 hour, mountain -2 hours, pacific -3 hours. Open chat all other times.

jennneeefffurrr · Senior Member

WOAH!!!!!!!!!

Flashback!!!!

EXACTLY word for word what MY A said to me!!!!

Which by the way is BS, he CAN be who I need - and you need for your husband - him to be! He makes his choices, he must live with the consequences, and WE are the ones who SUFFER the most!

They can just drink themselves into oblivion, we, MUST live in reality and raise our children, work full time, clean our homes, pay the bills, cook the meals, run into people familiar to me and my A and have to explain to them that he decided HE did not want the relationship anymore, walk around with a blank look on my face and eyes that have lost all of their sparkle, cry at the drop of a hat, wake up crying, desperately sending letters in the mail, sending text messages that are never acknowledged.....I am psycho.

I am LEARNING to let go and let God. I have actually let go and let God several times....I know that God will work on my A in His time, not mine. I accept that God may have only really brought him into my life again JUST for a short time for His purpose and it is never meant for me to be with him again. THAT terrifies me, I do trust the Lord, I accept whatever happens as His will, at times like this He feels SO far away, and since he is not giving me my immediate happiness and what I want, I get angry at Him.

OK....psycho lady shutting up now....much love and best wishes....send me a private email anytime!

JEN

regrets · Member

Been there done that. It's been 2 months for me. It gets better. I got the the same BS of all I have failed to do to as a wife. Honestly, I don't miss him anymore. He won't change his behavior so I need to turn my back and move on. I cant wait for him anymore. I have wasted too much of my life on him! I wasn't put on this earth FOR HIM, to SERVE HIM and meet all HIS NEEDS. I am here for ME! I am only responsible for ME! I'm such a self-less person it's hard to do things for ME. I'm learning though. I missed my H too, but freedom(not completely) from rage, verbal/emotional abuse etc just feels right. He still manages to do his tricks but I'm getting better at fore-seeing them, handling them and processing them. Thats the direction I'm moving in...kids in tow. Hang in there.

regrets

sandy w · Member

Hi Jen,

I was there too once and every once in a while I return to that space having to remind myself that it is not about him, but about me.... When I would start reminiscing about my A husband wanting him to tell me I was beautiful, I would go into my room and spend a little extra time making myself look extra nice until I was pleased with the image in the mirror...... the kids? I will go and do something with them.... love? I would head to a meeting where I felt loved not but one but by many........ As I changed, slowly my A hubby has changed........ just when I start believing that maybe, just maybe he has changed, he goes back to his old ways........ me? I go back to my new ways!... my Alanon ways...... Just as I wanted him to accept me as I am, so I have to accept who he is........ will I ever be able to live with it happily ever after? I have no idea....... so I take Step 3...... I surrender it to my HP and do not worry about the results......

Stay blessed and full of love and light,

Sandy W.

aunitedway · ~*Service Worker*~

Jennifer, Your doing Great!(( )) ~ keep sharing! Keep coming back. Please try to make a meeting in your area for additonal ((hugs)) and the unconditional love benefits of having Alanons wonderful support system near you! If you need any help dont hesitate to private message me and I will help you locate meeting places. Books are available here on the website. Great Stuff to help you with more understanding of how this 12 step program can work for you. Work It Your Worth It!

Please try to keep looking forward. I found that importantly it is OK to let my HP/God have those things I can not control, did not cause and can not cure. (the 3 C's) I'm so grateful for the day I decided to let Alanon help guide me and learn to live my life One Day at a Time.

It's time to take care of You (I say this to me any time I feel I'm obsessing over my "As" thoughts, his happiness, the anger, the controlling way... etc.,) I found I can turn away from those things that have nothing to do with me. That is not my business. I feel more peace within with the help of Alanon. I know I am not alone.

The Serenity Prayer is a part of my life/ my thoughts thoroughout each day ..

other things.... The Slogans....a good thought filler (when I need to STOP the bad thoughts) are to think of different Slogans;

Let it begin with Me. Let Go and Let God. Keep it Simple. Turn it over. Easy Does It. How important is it? Is it worth my Serenity? ..... Freedom to Change. There are so many more. ~ I love them all! Live savers (candy..lol) ~

(BIGHUG)) ((((Jennifer)))) Keep Lookin uP! So Glad Your Here!!

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.