The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have not heard from my A since Fri afternoon of last week. I sent a letter to him Mon - not asking for an explanation, more letting him know I love him and will never turn my back on him and that I will love him forever, pray for him always, and hope for the best for a wonderful and worthwhile person...he did not respond.
On Tues I was in my office, alone. I just burst into tears. The pain I am in is more than I could ever have imagined.
I began to pray again for God to deliver me from this suffering and if He does not want me to love A then please remove the desire for him from my heart.
Within a few minutes, a man, very handsome, walked into my office. We started a general conversation, he told me "My God, you are beautiful!" he was in my store for an hour and a half, I gave him my number. He called me 3 times Tues eve. He called me twice today.
We have plans for Saturday night.
He is a Christian, my age (me 36 him 35), has a daughter (9), owns a glass company, very personable and friendly, seems sincere, very attractive, I dont know. He is SO crazy about me already, kinda freaking me out. He told me Tues when he left my office and he was on his way to Columbus for a job that he thought to himself "Oh man, I should have stopped and got that girl flowers and took them back to her!" He told me over and over again how pretty my skin and eyes are, how adorable I am, how he cannot wait to see me Saturday and he doesnt know if he can wait that long, he may just come to my town (1 hour from where he lives) to take me to lunch tomorrow or Friday.
I am trying to be excited about this weekend, about the possibility of someone new, but I am NOT.I am more freaked out and it is making me long for A even more!!!!
Also I am terrified that we will run into A or he will hear that I am out with someone else and he will get angry and never come back to me.
My mother, who grew up in southern Ohio in the exact town where this guy is from, told me "You are going to ruin this one too! Everyone knows that "A" is a joke except you! He doesnt care a damn about you and you are going to be like a stupid teenager waiting around on someone to love you that never will." She told me that THIS is how southern men behave...they are affectionate, respectable, attentive...things I am not used to and have never had in a relationship.
I want to go..and think I should...but I am NOT looking forward to it...anyone else had this kind of experience?
Also, weird, he has called from a payphone, saying his cell phone was "busted" and once from his fathers home. I am thinking RED FLAG he is married or living with someone, he is calling me from untracable numbers so his sig. other wont find out....paranioa? or perception?
I agree with Gailey. Be careful. Not to say there is anything wrong with this man, but I am wary of someone who becomes so "head of heels" so quickly. It makes us feel really good and special, but watch out. My first husband was like that--always buying me flowers, always writing me poetry (got one everyday for 3 months), he was studying to become and did become a youth minister. He also turned out to be very jealous and abusive. (He couldn't stand it even if my dad gave me jewelry).
It won't hurt to go out with him and he may turn out to be what you need, just try to pay attention to details--especially if there are some questioning things--like not ever calling from home phone.
I do wish you the best!!! Just ask God to open your eyes and help you make the right decision.
I don't see why you can't give him the benefit of the doubt, until he proves otherwise... I think you should go out with him, sans expectations, and remember - you don't have to fall in love with the guy right off the bat.... Why not have an enjoyable night out, with someone who is hopefully an honorable and decent human being.... they DO exist!! :)
Take care
Tom
p.s. the thoughts about wanting your ex aren't unusual, but perhaps going out with this new guy might give you additional perspective...
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Jen, I agree...if it is too good to be true, it usually isnt.
I would guard my heart and my body.
Meet him somewhere, at a restaurant, movie,etc. Dont let him pick you up at your house for the first date.
This way if you want to leave, you are free to do so in your own auto.
He seems to come on too strong. Not sure if I would trust that even if he was not married. Signs of obsessive behavior to me. You can tell him you want to take it slow, and date him, but I would definately ask right out if he is married or in any other relationships before you even go out with him.
You are vunerable and desperately looking for affection. Dont get hurt by someone who is out for their own gain by way of using you.
As far as your ex...if he is not in your life anymore then he has no business telling you who you can associate with.
Be strong!! You are worth the extra effort to make sure you are not going to get hurt.
I have VERY good intuitions...I have a FUNNY feeling about him!
It COULD be that he is SO crazy, seemingly, about me...
People are drawn to me, it is odd and maybe you wont understand.
I can be in the line at the grocery and a complete stranger will tell me their life story, I can meet someone for the first time ever, have a small conversation with them and they will then consider me one of their close friends. My BF Nicole is the SAME way.
I am always smiling, well not so much lately, but typically I am always wearing a big smile, I am very approachable and genuine, it attracts EVERYONE...well, it didnt win over my A.
TY For the responses.
I am going to tell him to meet me in the town that is 1/2 way for both of us, and yes I will flat out ask if he is involved in a relationship. If he swears NO I am going to then ask WHY do you call from a payphone, you dont have a phone of your own? Do you still live with mom and dad or gramma? Then I think I will tell him, sorry I am looking for someone MORE established and more independent, wish him well and bolt the Hell out of there.
Snobby? No, realistic, give me a break. My life is a mess, all the way around, and I dont need someone who is NOT already established in my life, thanks.
I remember being there and oooooh I should have followed these suggestions...Talk with your sponsor; use the slogans; use the program; don't make any major decisions especially about realtionships for two years. These were only some of the suggestions and I went with my nerve endings and ooooooh I shuld have followed the suggestions. Anyhow I would certainly own the consequence of my choices. Hindsight is 20/20 and I should have followed the suggestions. (((((HUGS)))))
For heaven's sake Jen, go out with the guy!! Go to a public place; a nice restaurant will do. Maybe you could meet him, then you would have your own transportation. Have conversation, and keep it light. The guy is probably not a serial killer, but simply thinks he would enjoy your company. It's not a real big deal. You are making it a crisis in your mind. Enjoy yourself! You are allowed to do that.
Best wishes, Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
hmmmmmmm wish i felt easy about this one but I don't l hate to be a pesimist here but be careful and i agree if it sounds to o good to be true it probably is. Also calling 3 times one day after meeting you and twice this morning , sounds a little obsessive to me . ring a bell ???? I have been wrong before so heres hoping Louise
I read your post to me, and I thank you...it helped. I have entertained the thought of another man, and have made a resolution to myself to deal with the issues that have collected over that last 13 yrs of my marriage. I want to fix what is broken, so that I do not bring it with me when (and if) I move on with another man. Take this time to feel the pain.....examine yourself.....heal the damage. You deserve this time....to FEEL...and honor your feelings, because they matter. I am in the midst of my struggle, but would hope that for myself too.
It is really possible that you just aren't ready to date anyone right now??? This man you met could be perfectly fine, or a crazed maniac. Right now in your semi-emotional state (dare I suggest that) you are not yourself. It isn't until you are in the place within your own soul of love and joy that you will even be able to recognize real love my dear friend. There could me much more going on here, don't force yourself to move on if you are not ready. You said yourself in your post that if your A hears of this he may not come back to you. Whether he should come back or you two should be together is unresolved. I am not saying that you should not go have lunch with this potentially kind man you met.... what I am saying is if you are uncomfortable now just thinking about it you will be uncomfortable during this "date." Take a positive step here and explain to this man you met that you are not ready to go out with him, if he is a really decent guy.... shocker here... he won't push himself on you. You don't have to go out with him just because he spent some time talking too you. I have learned here that you can have men as just friends and it is a beautiful experience! Take a deep breathe, take care of yourself, and don't rush anything... enough of my "advice" love Cyndee
I am more freaked out and it is making me long for A even more!!!!
