tired of the attraction - Al-Anon Family Group

helga · Newbie

tired of the attraction

peewee · Senior Member

Hi Helga,

I have no advice, but seems to me my addiction to addicts has a bit of something to do with having grown up with them, and also that they are fascinating, smart, interesting, and sometimes fun!

Too bad they are twisted as well.

Good luck

Peewee

jrtjosey · ~*Service Worker*~

Don't count on church as a safe place to look, trust me!!

Josey

just me · ~*Service Worker*~

Hey I even found a dry drunk! If you find the answer will you let us all know?

Julia

helga · Newbie

Yes, my father was an alcoholic who died when I was 10 years old. So I know why the attaction exists, I just wish I could turn it off. That's the part of the puzzle that I have never been able to figure out. Yes, most of them are exciting and smart except when it comes to their addiction issues. I certainly don't go looking for them either. We just somehow spot each other in a crowd: Its the comfort level and familiarity. Its like meeting the kid you played with in the sandbox. They always feel like someone I have known all of my life, and in many ways, I have. Once the addiction rears its ugly head, the relationship becomes unhealthy. Recently, I met someone who was funny, smart, and had the same interests as me. He also had that positively charged set of atoms in his personality. (I should have run for the hills then.) We finally went on a date, but I spotted the alcoholic signs by the end of the first date. No harm no foul. I just won't be going out with him again. What can I say? Some of them can hide it for a month or so. The quest continues for the "Off" switch.

twinmom2 · ~*Service Worker*~

Helga

I can relate to your frustration. I have had a few relationships with men who had addictive personalities. The one's that liked me that had no addictions I couldn't find it with in myself to try and get to know them on a deeper level. Looking back I see that it was me who was looking for the excitement, the thrill seekers, the musicians. My A and I picked each other out from across a bar. I said to myself, there must at least 50 guys in this bar and I'm staring at the one who's good looking, has smoldering looks and a leather jacket. As I began talking to him we had so much in common, it was comfortable almost like coming home, except coming home has its good points and bad. In my single days my therapist used to tell me that its a mind set. The better I feel about myself and get comfortable with doing the mundane things in life instead of jumping out of planes and looking for the next thrill the easier it would be for me to find a healthy individual. I screwed that up pretty good. Is it mind over matter? I have no clue. Good luck on the journey though. Have a good day.

Twinmom~

rosie light shines · ~*Service Worker*~

helga as an addictive personality i can relate to what U said...

i just figure that it is the "karma" i was attracting to me becuz i was not dealing with MY issues as i am now

i used to attract angry people and saw that i was angry and i needed "mirrors" to make me deal with my own anger

not that u have to be an addict to attract addicts, but there is SOME common denometer some sort of "unresolved" issue within that makes me attract the kind of folks that i do.......i am being "shown" something about me.....

i know AS i get healthier, the emotionally unavailables (my neon attractions)....are not drawn to me anymore..........i am drawing to me AVAILABLE , emotionally, people now, becuz i am working through my issues of abandonment....

i hope this made sense..........i just wanted u to know that i can relate to ur post....rosie

helga · Newbie

Twinmom2,

Goodness, I don't even seek any thrills for myself anymore. Long gone are the days of riding motorcycles, shooting pool, and seeking any kind of exciting adventures. I am very "watered down" these days- have been for years. Outside of going to a professional football game or play from time to time, I have become a semi-hermit of sorts. My friends are pretty much the same way. I want to be able to do the activities that I once enjoyed without the addicts following me. I'm pretty sure I need to dig down deep and clear some issues so I can get on with my life. At age 45, its about time huh? Maybe a therapist could help. Thanks for responding. Nice to know I'm not alone.

Helga

nycbt · ~*Service Worker*~

Welcome to MIP. You are not alone. There a lot of people who understand.

World Service Organization Website –

WWW.al-anon.alateen.org

Phone number is 1-888-425-2666

Alanon meetings 800-351-9996

Alanon literature Worldwide 888-425-2666

Alanon meeting info. 800-433-7266 AA info.

Chat room is open 24/7 there here the link to www.mipchat.net or http://www.12stepforums.net/chatroom2.html

Here are some things that have helped me since in the program.

Go face to face meeting & online meeting.

post on the board here on the site. I have gotten a lot of good feed back.

· Set support system. people do not judge. You need someone who can go for coffee on a bad day, or pick up a phone and call when in trouble. The support is what is important when you first this program.

Have a sponsor. Someone work one on one with you.

You don’t have to do this the minute u come to the program but I suggest that u do it when u can. It help.

Meeting schedule: meetings are in here and run approximately 90 minutes from: Monday-Friday, 9 am and 9 pm EST, Saturday: 10 am and 9 pm EST, Sunday: 10 am and 7 pm EST. Topics are selected by participants at meeting time. UK +5 hours, central -1 hour, mountain -2 hours, pacific -3 hours. Open chat all other times.

donnajo · Member

well,
i say, check out the personals ads at yahoo.com,
and look for ads that say, no alcohol and drug use as a sign of trying not to drink, and then when you do find one that is not addicted to something, date for a really long time before you become intimate, and "in love", date, meet his friends, meet his family, ask questions, like "don't you hate it when you drink too much and then drive home" and see what his response is....
look at his work history, doe s he keep losing jobs, layed off, or is he steady, is he divorced, why, ask the ex-wife, don't bother to ask him, he has a nice way of blaming the ex, they all do,
then date some more, don't move in together , don't talk marriage, don't introduce him to your kids, etc.,
and then take him to your friends, your family, and ask, ask them for their opinion, and then listen, listen to their opinion, do they see something you don't ?????

and then pray...
donna-

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.