The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I cannot call him, he discarded me so harshly, I just cannot do it.
I keep praying and releasing him to God and asking God to release me from loving him...what is the point if we are not going to be together?
It was hard Saturday.
Friday nights my A and I always play in the Euchre tournament at the American Legion. The guy who runs the tournament came in my store on Sat and said "Hey we held that tournament for 15 minutes last night we wanted to wait for you and (A)" I told him that he decided that he did not want to be in a relationship anymore...he told me to come next Friday w/o my A, even though HE is the one who is a member, he said I would be welcomed there....today I saw one of the ladies who is at every Euchre tourn., and I also saw his sisters former fiance (she is also an A, so is his mother, and was his father, and all of his friends) and of course, they asked about my A...it is hard to say so little, and also not fall to pieces.
I drove up a street where I can see the edge of his place if I sit on the corner, he was home, I started crying KNOWING he is just right there.
I like what I have been explained that HE is MY addiction and I am in withdrawl...makes alot of sense.
The girl who works for me told me earlier she does not like being around me anymore....and she hopes I get better soon.
I dont like who I am today either.
OH...TY for allowing me to post and for reading it.
jen - sending you lots of (((((hugs))))) and love. can you get to f2f? take care of YOU!!! you are worth it!!! i know how hard it is to not check up on him - i have been there. love to you!!! - doris
I am so sorry you are hurting like this. I replied just now on your other post. Anyway, I read your profile, and I, too, am reunited with my one true love, after being apart 9 years. I even married and divorced someone else I did not love during that time, just because I thought if I can't have the man I love, then I'll just settle for anyone. It was a disaster, I thought about my one true love everyday. We split up in 1988 and got back together in 1997, and got married in 2000. His disease progresses to the point of some days I feel like I don't know the angry, hateful man in front of me.
I know how you feel, I feel like I am addicted to my A, too. I go thru withdrawl symptoms (sick, crying, shakes, cannot move, cannot function) when he walks out on me. Mine was so hateful when he left, I could not call him, I was afraid of what else hurtful he might say. He said some pretty terrible things. But I am learning that is part of the disease. They do not love themselves, so they do not love us the way we want to be loved. We must learn to love ourselves, too.
I wish you well, and hope you keep coming back.
Do 1 thing nice for yourself each day. A hot bath, some special tea or coffee you like, a trashy magazine from the grocery. Anything to take your mind off your problems for a while.
I found that when I split up with my A it was best not to go to the places that reminded me of him.
I tended to think of the good times (however rare) and forget the bad. Then start thinking "well it wasnt so bad" and boom.......back in the hole again.
Some one wrote a poem about falling into a hole, does anyone know it/
Something about finally seeing the hole and walking around it.
I hope someone knows it, it is so good to remind ourselves that we can walk around and not fall in.
Hi((((((((((((((((jen))))))))))))))))))))))))) Just take one day at a timeand keep the focus on you sweetie!! I am sorry to hear you are going through this I can only imagain how hard this must be for you!!!
Hang tough girl. There is nothing we can do for our A's except get better ourselves. It isn't good to get into that cycle again. Forgive yourself for falling in love with an A.
Well Jennifer.... I, for one, DO like who you are today..... I see a person who is "sick and tired of being sick and tired", and on the road to recovery.... It is never quite the straight line that we had hoped for, but you sound to be well on your way to taking care of you, and becoming the Jennifer that YOU love so much. Just wanted to offer you encouragement to carry on your path today...
Take care
Tom
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
The best thing you can do for yourself right now is take action...and start building NEW routines for you and your children.
I know this is probably the LAST thing you want to do right now, it is probably difficult for you to place one foot in front of the other, much less take action and initiative to do something new, but you really have to if you want to move on with life, rather then spend it wallowing in misery.
Why don't you now make some new routines that center around your children and family? Constants which will be there for some time, rather than the latest guy who comes and often goes.
Why not make Friday night "movie night"? That is a great thing for kids and families with not a lot of money.
This is something I did when my daughter was little and I was in your same boat. I was divorced from her Dad and trying to date and it usually ended up disasterously with me being broken hearted. I had a crazy and violent stalker for an ex-husband who scared nearly every nice guy away, SIGH.
We would go to the library (free) and I would let my daughter pick a nice and positive video (nothing depressing). Then we would make a pizza from scratch! This is fun for kids. They like mixing the dough and spreading it in the pan, and sprinkling the cheese etc. on it. Making a pizza from scratch is really inexpensive too. Sometimes we even splurged for pepperoni and then bought the big slices and cut out fun shapes in it with a small cookie cutter! Kids love stuff like that! If you don't know how to make pizza dough from scratch, you can get a cookbook from the library while you are getting the video.
This pretty much takes the whole evening, LOL, library visit, making pizza from scratch, and watching a movie.
On Saturday, when I was off of work and class (college) we would have "International Night". While at the library on Friday we would get a cookbook and travel book from a different country. We would take turns picking. Then we would pick an easy and quick recipe to make from that country, and read up about its culture.
Sometimes we used props too, LOL. Like when we did India we went to goodwill and got cheap ugly fabric, washed it and bleached it, and made them into saris. It only cost us about $5.00 and well worth it for the fun we had with that.
I always had a short supply of money, so these were recipes that did not use any expensive or rare ingredients. Just regular food cooked in interesting ways. Here are some of the ones I remember:
Russia - Borstch (beet soup)
India - curried eggs
Hungary - chicken paprikash
England - fish and chips
Mexico - tacos
Spain - paella
China - stir fry
Thailand - Pad Thai (this came in a box) we also rented "The King and I" (a movie about a real English woman who went to thailand) and a book that showed pictures of the real King and Anna
Doing all of these fun things with your children will give all of you benefits that will last a lifetime. They will always remember these fun things, and will look forward to them once they get used to then and they become a routine.
You will develop a closeness with them that will come in handy during the teen years.
I know that it will be difficult at first to get activities going with yoru kids when you feel so broken hearted and miserable and can barely stop thinking about your old boyfriend for a second. But, soon, once you start doing things with your kids, you will realize that you have moments that you forget about him and actually have a few seconds of fun. Your children's enthusiasm will keep you going at first as well.
As you continue to build fun routines with your children and family that don't include your old boyfriend, your few moments of forgetting about your pain will last longer and longer, until your thoughts of him are only fleeting.
These are just some ideas of things to do that don't cost a lot and that my daughter really enjoyed. Sometimes we invited other single or divorced moms and kids to do international night with us and that made it really a lot of fun, as the other mom would have to bring a dish from the country as well, and we had a potluck type of dinner.
This also helped her in school later, she knew a lot about different countries and got an easy A in home ec from all of the cooking, LOL.
Boyfriends come and go but your children are in your life forever. They grow up SO fast...make sure you try and make the most of everyday with them. We get so busy with work etc. that we often forget to make fun rituals and routines with them, but this is so important to do.
Just sharing my ESH with you, and strategies that helped get me through similar pain to what you are going through now.
