The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
It isn't always easy to detach: detach from the problem, but not from the suffering alcoholic. Sometimes we can't tell the difference. Some people become silent when they detach, yet harbor bitterness and anger. Others will stay so busy they neglect important things. And some of us have a sense of injury that is resentment and self-pity. The writer says that detaching our minds from the problem can promote our spiritual growth, lessen guilt, and lift our mind away from the alcoholic's behavior. We can also give our problems to our HP.
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I just had the opportunity to practice this. My A did something I found so outrageous and hurtful. I did slide into silence for a number of hours and stay very busy. But then program kicked in: Bless them, change me. I realized what I can do for myself to avoid this situation. I now have a plan for me, the only one I can change. And over time I resumed cordial conversation and helped my A with a computer problem. I'm still detached, but I'm working on being very OK.
Thank you Lyne for your service and great example of how program kicked in. Your honest shares aid in my recovery. Funny how you both mentioned practice practice practice. I am working on small changes like leaving the room, quick prayer, keeping my mouth shut and being kind and compassionate. Debbie, I got a chuckle out of your share. I sometimes compare my husband to a slooow child. (yeah, I said it...lol). Grateful for the reminders that detachment with love is key. Next on the list: detachment without guilt...Have a wonderful day.
Lyne, thank you for sharing that great page and important Alanon concept, and all for your encouraging ESH.
The page says it, it is not easy to get the mix right; I was pretty good at complete detachment, still working on a lifetime improvement project of detachment with love.
As Daf noted above, regular practice is a key part of advancement, and it doesn't have to be 100% right to help.
For me, I have to break this down into two stages: Detach/Resume with love. Sometimes getting away from the situation is a crucial first stage, regardless of my state of mind. This way I don't do more damage, can reframe, then be able to continue interaction on a refreshed plane.
Great reminders
__________________
Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
