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My A that once was a very gentle person started showing signs of anger while drinking. I stopped "nagging" him while he was under the infulece. Now the anger seems to happen when he is not drinking . I think that he is very capable of going into a rage and unknowingly hurt someone. He is on meds for depression. I'm wondering if there are any typical warning signs that violence or rage is within reach? A very good friend said to me knowledge is power. I need the knowledge to protect myself and my kids. Any insight would be helpful.
The chapter "To the wives" in the AA big book could help you, I think.
But the short answer to your question, yes and no. There isn't one sign (like for a horse when they lay their ears back and lower the heads means they are going to buck). But you may be able to pick up on a personal pattern for your A, but it would have to happen a few times before you could pinpoint it.
I listened to alot of ESH around the alanon rooms. I was told that it was possible that the verbal abuse that was inflicted on me could turn violent.
I watched my A as he began to spiral out of control.
When drinking and mad he went at me because I would not go to the store and buy him some vodka.
I escaped into the bathroom and locked the door. He crashed into the wall and broke a picture.
I went to the store and bought a lock and put it on my closet and started to sleep in there. Then the abuse kept escalating even though I avoided being home as much as possible.
Be safe, Be aware, Be ready with a plan for if he becomes violent.
Make a plan B. I was told to pack a small bag of my belongings with some cash and stash it. When the day came I was prepared to leave.
Stay safe. Physical violence is unacceptable
__________________
Megan
If you want things you never had you need to do things you have never done
With my A, there was never a pattern, he would "snap" for no reason, there was so much volatility it was impossible to predict. When those times came, I would be quiet not adding more fuel to the fire, get in my car and drive around, go have coffee, go to a friend's house, leave the room and lock it, I would just stay away. Eventually, I had to move out. Stay safe, violence is not acceptable period.
Wonderful replies you have received from those above –I agree w/ Megan’s suggestion to be prepared with the Plan B.
I have found an explanation in the front of How Al-Anon Works for Families and Friends of Alcoholics (one place I have seen this in our CAL Literature) that expresses the importance of safety first. It's a very validating read even years later for me. I will sum up a bit of it here because we aren’t to copy more then a few lines of our CAL Literature due to copyrighting. A Special Word to Anyone Confronted with Violence (Preface ix) Al-Anon’s gentle process unfolds gradually, over time. But those of us facing violent, potentially life threatening situations may have to make immediate choices to ensure safety for ourselves and our children. - no one has to accept violence. No matter what seems to trigger the attack, we all deserve to be safe.
Hard not to speak from the angle of giving advice with this topic, I am replying with hope for your safety. Trust your instincts, they are giving you signals. Walking on eggshells is horrible, the topic of your post is "Rage"
This is also some invaluable information I received from another member here. They can answer questions, please do not hesitate to call them. Battered Womens Justice Project 1-800-903-0111 National Organization for Victims Assistance is 1-800-TRY-NOVA National Resource Center for Domestic Violence at 1-800-537-2238 US Domestic Violence Hotline/ General Information 800-799-7233 I would like to add asking your local authorities and sharing with your own personal doctor so they can make a note on file and perhaps give you additional resources (that is taken from my own experience)
If you have our Courage to Change daily reader please read page 273 (the Plan B megan mentioned is spoken of in detail there) The following quote is from this book/page (found in the index abuse)
”There is hope, there is help, and I have an inalienable right to human dignity.” …In All Our Affairs
You have choices, you do not have take abuse, you are valuable. care and wishes, t
