The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
* the only person who can move the alcoholic to want to get sober, and become sober, is the alcoholic * my attempts to lever the alcoholic toward what I think is best IS a mistake, and WILL make things worse * this concept also applies to all things we cannot control * Alanon can guide us toward spiritual health and truly helpful behavior
Reminder Step One identifies two necessary steps: acknowledge that I cannot control the alcoholic, and instead, address the unmanageability of my own life.
"Help me to find peace of mind within myself by uniting myself with God's power and guidance. That is the spiritual way out of my difficulties - the only sure way." - Unattributed ------------------ Step 1: simple, yet absolutely connected to my every thought and intention.
Most of my discomfort originates from my efforts to leverage people, places, things outside of my control, rather than my own thoughts and actions.
The Serenity Prayer has long been a starting point for my thought alignment at the beginning of the day. I realized as I read this over that I had inadvertently dropped it. Not a coincidence that my efforts to leverage others instead of myself have been creeping up lately...
It works when, and only when, I work it...grateful for the needed kick in the pants
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Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
I find it so interesting but mostly so frustrating how deeply ingrained wanting to change/fix/control someone else so that I feel better can be. And that's what it is really I think,that I want things to be how I want them and people to be how I want them to be so that it makes my life easier and so I can feel better by not worrying and stressing so much about things or about them.
In actuality though, I can't even make the changes in myself that I want to make,at least not as easily or as soon as I would like so why on earth would I believe I have any power to change someone else? I have a hard time making decisions for myself so why would I be trying to make someone else's decisions for them?
I can't even manage myself or my own life so not trying to manage others is a daily challenge.
Good Morning Everyone. Wow. Sometimes coming to this board is downright spooky. It's like you guys live in my head. I 'm struggling this morning to get motivated to take care of my business. The person I habitually try to fix self -corrected without my nagging/input. It's funny how I can muster phenomenal strength to manage their lives but I get lazy/procrastinate when I need to focus on myself. Yep, my life is definitely unmanageable. Anyways, as I was recently instructed, I must remain steadfast in my prayers- particularly the Serenity Prayer. Thank you Paul for the reminder and all the spooky shares. lol
Thank you Paul for your service and all above ESH. I guess Step 1 is Step 1 because without it, I would not be able to move forward. But I have learned that using my time and energy is much better spent trying to control myself, than others. Did this come easy? Heck no. Can I do it 100% of the time? Heck no! But progress not perfection allows me to see my growth without expecting something I'm incapable of. Wisdom of alanon, thank you.
Thanks Paul for the reading and to all who have shared. Step 3 reminds me to surrender my will, to give up control and allow myself to be guided each day by my higher power. Thankfully, working Steps 1 and 2, I came, I came to, I came to believe. It's only through trust in a loving higher power that I can Let Go and Let God guide my choices. Alcoholics in recovery speak of self will run riot. My personal experience has been that this is not exclusive to alcoholics. I can certainly create my own brand of insanity when I begin to dismiss the nudges to action or inaction that I recognize as God's will for me.
It took awhile for me to come to terms with "loving detachment." Initially, it felt a bit selfish, in fact unloving as it pertains to involvement in the lives of those close to me. I'm grateful to better understand it's meaning, embrace it, prioritize my own wants and needs. I had to learn that practicing detachment didn't mean detaching from another person whom I cared about but rather from the agony of involvement. Life is not a dress rehearsal. Days, months and even years before recovery were filled with the dis-ease of chaos and insanity from lack of self focus and over involvement with people, places and things. Grateful to Let Go and Let God today. Some days it's not a one and done surrender my will to my loving hp as I begin my day. I may fight the urge to take back my will all day long particularly in tense situations. It may be hard to sit with my feelings and not react. My hp is there for me either way. The Serenity Prayer continues to be a great Al-anon tool for those moments.
-- Edited by tiredtonite on Tuesday 25th of April 2023 09:56:16 AM
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
