Hi all,

It has been a while since I last posted.  After 3 months of supporting him through out patient it seems there was a straw that broke this camel's back.  I had planned a date (as suggested by our counselor for him to do)...so I called him and said why don't we go to one of your meetings then go out for coffee and dessert after.  This way we accomplish one more meeting before you go to court and also do what the marriage counselor asked of us.  That was at 1:00 in the afternoon, later we spoke at around 4:00 and he asked if I had a sitter and I said not yet but I'll get one.  He said great.  Soooo....I got the sitter and along came 7:00 and no hubby.  So, I tell the sitter when he gets home tell him I am at his meeting.  I leave the meeting and have a voice mail at 8:00...guess who????  The message said call me at this number its my friends phone (I like the friend, a really good guy)  So, I call and ask for my husband and the friend says, I can't find him right now can he call you back.  It was at this point I found myself getting quite upset.  So, I left it 20 minutes, called back and asked if he had found him...he said no I am sorry, I said where are you?  He said at the casino.  I asked if my husband drank he said yes, just one beer.  So, in the meantime my best friend ran the sitter home, since it was a school night, and I sat waiting by the phone.  At about 9:30 hubby calls and says, "HI BABY"...I calmly said hi.  He asked what I did tonight, I said went to your meeting.  Then I said come get your crap...I am done.  So, he told me I was ridiculous and then didn't come home.  We had counseling the next night at which I confirmed I do want a separation.  He refused to leave the home, so I calmly said I'll go then.  I sensed shock in that moment...like maybe we have had this conversation before and when he says he's not leaving then I guess I must not plan on leaving either so neither of us leaves (if that makes any sense).  So, the next day we moved in with my parents.  All this to say, two weeks have passed and it has been amazing to see what a peaceful home brings to a weary soul.  He still thinks its about the other night...I try to tell him its about 11 years and I am tired.  So, we press on to work toward a reconciliation.  Although, I question his ability to stick with this.  He will be getting angry in the next week or so...because everything he is promising is not enough to get me to come home.  In the middle of my sadness came a gift from God...We told our girls (7 and 9) that we really want to be a great family and so we are going to live at nana's so that mom and dad can work on some things separately to become just that.  Yesterday, I asked my nine year old how she was doing living here and she said, "Mom the best thing about living here is how quiet it is."  I thought isn't that interesting 3 of the 4 members of our family have left and moved in with my parents and even though we didn't have a loud or violent relationship somehow even for my children it seems quieter.  It must be the angst that I was constantly carrying that seemed to lurk in the air...or how easily daddy gets frustrated or the fact that mom isn't so pent up and preoccupied with what she is going through that day.  So for today, I am so thankful...I never wanted it to come to this thus the reason I never left before.  But in the midst of a big change God has blessed me by giving these 3 girls peace in the middle of a storm.  Always, my children and their well being has been the motivator for the choices I make and so knowing they are fine gives me rest tonight.  Thanks for letting me babble an update.  Robyn