The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The newcomer to alanon is given a suggestion to wait 6 months before making any major decisions. Thinking can change dramatically after 6 months of program. At that time, the writer decided to continue to wait, to learn and to recover, before deciding about their relationship. But the writer hated to wait, struggled, and prayed--it was a difficult time.
Reminder: When my thinking becomes distorted by trying to force solutions, I probably won't get the results I seek. As the saying goes, "When in doubt, don't."
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As hard as it is to wait, especially when in deep anguish, I do agree that pausing is the best action while giving ourself a chance to calm down and recover a bit. I came into program looking for all my answers, and they have come, but after a long time. Of course there are certain situations that need an immediate resolution, if safety is an issue for example. I appreciated waiting until my head cleared, and I got stronger, before making any major decisions.
I too, can relate to wanting answers when I first came in, and if I'm honest, wanted to hear verification of what I was feeling: I was a great person performing a hero's work, and while I wasn't perfect, it truly was the alcoholic's fault that I was this desperate and unhappy.
The 6-month recommendation seemed like an impossible mountain to climb, and I wanted the immediate relief I envisioned would result from a sanctioned departure. What I heard at meetings and began reading, however, resonated at a deep level and I kept coming back to meetings, kept reading.
I wasn't sure how it would end up, but saw where I could improve my worldview and saw the first glimmers of hope that I could consistently enjoy peace and serenity without trying to bring it about by controlling others.
Waiting does not guarantee the outcome I may wish for in others, but it serves an even better purpose: allowing me the much needed time for spiritual growth and healing within myself.
Grateful for the reminders
__________________
Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
