The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
This author worked hard learning and applying Alanon principles before falling prey to self pity and resentment over the perceived failures of the alcoholic to deliver emotional support.
Meditation on Steps 6 and 7 shed light: were entirely ready, humbly asking higher power to remove our shortcomings, not relying just on our own knowledge, power, and execution.
Incorporating this adjustment opened room for a fresh perspective of the struggles of the alcoholic that were similar to their own, allowing room for compassion rather than resentment.
Reminder: To become ready, I will do all I can to prepare including elevate my awareness and willingness to change, but it is my higher power who can bring healing not me.
"I accept the fact that I need help in being restored to sanity, and that I cannot achieve this without help." The Dilemma of the Alcoholic Marriage --------------------- Such a great page and reminder; when I am unhappy with someone, it is usually because of the gap between their actions and what I want. Focus on how I want things to be guarantees this grows into resentment; turning it over to higher power reminds me it's not my right, responsibility, or capability.
True serenity will come from changes within me (acceptance, perspective), not from wishing for or working to control others' behavior.
Grateful for the reminders
__________________
Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
Thank you Paul for your service and ESH. Lately with my morning prayers, I ask HP for "compassion" for my A. I know I'm a broken record repeating this, but I understand alcoholism is a serious disease. But what I don't understand is why a person would not want help. And for that I need so many tools: detach with love, live and let live, let go and let God, focus on myself, and I need help for the compassion part. I am unable to accomplish this on my own. :)
Thanks Paul for your service and to everyone for their experience, strength and hope on this topic. Steps 6 & 7 certainly are powerful action steps. Lifelong progress can only continue for me with getting honest about my own shortcomings. Ours is a program that suggests being gentle with ourselves as we go through the process of working the 12 steps. The 6th and 7th steps have shed light on the very imperfect me. With that enlightenment, my choice has been to recognize the humanity of other people and to continue my Al-anon recovery. I feel it's not my business to rationalize differences in behaviors or similarities from person to person. Analysis brings paralysis. I find I do better when I keep an open mind about behaviors and motivations of other people rather than project my own thinking in these situations. Progress in giving has come from being able to feel compassion for others who are struggling and genuine support of their moments of happiness rather than withholding of support of others based on their behaviors. Having once been led by resentments rather than a loving higher power, real progress for me has come from continuing to have willingness to change what I can, an honest desire to be a better person, to follow the guidance of a loving higher power. Odaat I can work toward positive changes within myself that I hope to extend outward to others. I'm always striving for what will give me more serenity.
-- Edited by tiredtonite on Tuesday 31st of January 2023 11:43:22 AM
-- Edited by tiredtonite on Tuesday 31st of January 2023 11:47:42 AM
__________________
Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
TY - this is helpful to read today. I am always grateful when I step back into this space and learn with you all. I have been wishing to undo some things, actions taken by an addict that I love. But I can't undo it, and they can't undo it. It just is what happened in the past. I can learn from it, accept it, and move forward with love - and wisdom (hopefully) - but there is no reward to using my energy wishing to undo it, or wishing to control my loved ones.
Hugs to all who need one today
