The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Last week I mistakenly wrote a reflection on todays date in Hope for Today, so todays reflection will be from Jan 22, in case you have the book and are reading as well. Todays reading is a focus on the al-anon suggestions to seek progress rather than perfection and to mind our own business. The writer describes growing up with problem drinking and as a result believed he/she had to be perfect in order to be responsible for other people. Because it is of course, not possible to be perfect, the writer was left feeling inadequate in every way. To cope with this feeling, the writer began focusing on the defects of other people and his/her need to be perfect fed into a preoccupation with others. Over time in al-anon, the writer learned to be happy with any kind of forward motion. He/she practiced minding his/her own business and learned to change whatever possible within the self, rather than looking for others to make changes. Accepting imperfections and letting go of unreasonable expectations became a new way of life.
This reading brought to mind the times I have heard this described as a gentle program. The overwhelming feelings that are associated with living in an alcoholic home become manageable through acceptance of the inherent imperfections of being human. We learn to accept our own defects of character and understand that we can make changes for ourselves, and also learn to accept that we are not in charge or responsible for the lives of anyone else, including the alcoholics we know. The Thought for the Day gives us: Today relaxing with my imperfection and enjoying my own business are enough for me. For this I am grateful.
And the quotation from How Al-Anon Works for Families and Friends of Alcoholics (p.323): I have learned in meetings that tiny steps are perfectly acceptable and that they add up.
Thank you Mary for your service. I truly appreciate the dailies, and am grateful when I can jump on here and get some wisdom!
I struggle with perfectionism in myself. And I have learned that despite all my work with Al-Anon, it can creep into my perceptions of others. So I continue my work with this. It is a constant stream of ebb and flow.
I have currently admitted to myself that I have now begun to live (once again) in an alcohol-affected home, due to my young adult son. I have struggled with staying within my lane, b/c his actions are affecting me and the peace I have carved out here in my little home. I am working the program so that I don't place my perfectionism on him, as he is young, and is doing "what young people do." Because of our situation (spouse left me dirt poor & we live in my parent's 1 bedroom guesthouse) & the incredibly high cost of living in Southern CA, I have not asked him to leave. Until last night. I told him he either needs to stop drinking to excess, or find another living situation b/c I have reached my "understanding limit."
It was a sad night for me. As par for the course, I am not even sure he will remember the conversation, so I will have to relive this heartache today, probably. Just for info's sake, when we moved in here in 2017/18, I had my discussion about BOUNDARIES. He knows them. As a 22 year-old, he has consistently overstepped them since 2022, & I have accepted his "excuses" b/c he is struggling mentally, physically and financially. He struggles mightily with ADD & is having some health issues due to his multiple C- virus infections. He is awaiting doctor's appointments.
By writing this here, I feel like I have given form to this nebulous situation that I have been dealing with all 2022. That both scares me and angers me that I am again in this position - for no reason that I have done or have control over!
It is time to "Let Go and Let Spirit" I guess. I truly hate addiction!!!
Sad PNP.
-- Edited by PosiesandPuppies on Sunday 29th of January 2023 02:21:48 PM
-- Edited by PosiesandPuppies on Sunday 29th of January 2023 02:23:41 PM
__________________
"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
