Al-Anon Family Group

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

Members Login
    Remember Me  
Post Info TOPIC: Infidelity


Status: Offline
Posts: 1

My AH is now sober and active in AA. I found out that he cheated on me for years with different women and I am having so much trouble forgiving him. Is there anything in Al-anon that can specifically help with cheating or would I find a therapist?


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 11568

Welcome to MIP Drpc - glad you found us and glad that you shared. I know of nothing specific in our program that targets one 'bad act' -- my experience is the tools, steps, fellowship, ESH, etc. are intended to help us with the affects of the disease overall.

If you're struggling and the program is not helping you deal/heal, by all means outside assistance sounds like a next step. We deserve to be happy, healthy and whole and getting there by all/any means is encouraged.

I'm sorry for the pain you are having and hope you keep coming back! There is hope and help in recovery.

Edited - your post appeared twice; I deleted the other one!

-- Edited by Iamhere on Monday 23rd of January 2023 04:09:14 PM


Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene



~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 2536

Greetings to you Drpc. I know when I focused on all the bad things my spouse was doing, I stayed stuck in very dark place. I obsessed about the "bad things" and I could not see the light of day. Alanon has taught me many important life lessons. It has taught me how to take care of myself and thrive, no matter what is going on around me. It does take time and effort though, and so does therapy. For a number of years I came to alanon and saw an addiction counselor to help me cope with the effects of alcoholism. It's OK to get help from a number of sources. I do hope you keep coming back. This message board is filled with wisdom that has helped me. :)



Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 316

Welcome Drpc. I'm sorry for what you are going through. I hope you'll keep coming back to share recovery with us. Al-anon also suggests seeking professionals for additional support if you feel a need. ((hugs))

I would suggest Al-anon's book In All Our Affairs: Making Crisis Work for You.


Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.

~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 744

I welcome you as well Drpc to MIP and am equally sorry you are having difficulties with the

news of your recovering spouses past indiscretions. Resentment is a very hard emotion on

ones entire well being and seeking understanding and relief from that pain is the best way

to overcome it, you are doing a great job at wanting to understand and wanting help for it.

Joining a face to face Al-Anon group in your locality is a really good start because you will

have the opportunity to work with other people and possibly find a personal sponsor that

you can lean on for day to day help. Of course this board/forum is always here for you as

well. The only thing I would like you to remember is that alcoholism is a disease of the

mind and body and what the alcoholic does and says cannot always be reasoned with.

We tend to blame ourselves for the alcoholics actions and words in that we think that

we deserve them, when in fact we do not. We do not have any control over an active

or inactive drinker, we can only control how we perceive and react based on our ability

to control our expectations. Please keep coming back to talk with us because you are

worth it!!! {{HUGS}}


"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it

does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown


Page 1 of 1  sorted by
Quick Reply

Please log in to post quick replies.