The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
In today's reading, the author shared that they almost didn't come back to Al-Anon when they heard that the best way to help an alcoholic was to focus on oneself. The author interpreted Al-Anon as a heartless place, and a place that would force them to stop caring about their loved ones. The author changed their mind when someone shared that although a desire to help someone can be well-meaning, old ways of "helping" might not really help, and that Al-Anon offers a new way to help our loved ones who struggle with addiction.
When the author thought about their old ways of helping, they realized that they prevented the alcoholic from facing the consequences of their actions, and in so doing deprived the alcoholic of opportunities to want to change. When the author thought about why they felt so desperate unless they were helping, they realized that it is their own anxiety that they didn't want to face.
Todays Reminder: Is the help I offer truly loving or do I have other motives? Am I trying to change another person or get them to do what I want? Talking it over with my Sponsor can offer perspective. My best hope for helping those I love really does begin when I focus on myself.
Today's Quote:
In Al-Anon we learn:
-Not to create a crisis;
-Not to prevent a crisis if it is in the natural course of events. Detachment
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The authors reflection on well-motivated and compassionate desires not really helping reminds me of something I think about a lot in my work. There is a difference between intent and impact. I might intend for something to be helpful, but if it is not, if it actually prevents opportunities for growth, then the IMPACT is different from the intent. When I become aware of the difference between impact and intent, I need to change my approach so I don't have an impact that I don't intend to have. (And make amends for the impact, even if I didn't intend for that impact to occur through my actions, but that's a reading for a different day.)
I like today's quote. It reminds me of the importance of detachment, and is a great reminder as well of how important daily attention to my program is. I can get wrapped up in the events of any given day and forget the importance of the Al-Anon approach. Reading today's quote brought me clarity on several things I am dealing with today (parenting, work, supporting a friend in a way that friend wants to be supported) and served as a reminder that I need to be present, offer suggestions, but not push for any particular action by another. That's a reminder I needed to hear to feel at peace today.
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Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
Thank you Skorpi. Great reading and share. Intent/Impact -gives me more to grow on. Pre-AlAnon, it had never occurred to me that I robbed people of their dignity when I took over solving problems. By focusing on my spiritual growth, I notice that people feel safe and comfortable to seek my support. I listen and ask questions for clarification. I share my experience and/or direct them to the appropriate support. This has resulted in better outcomes and frees me up to do more work on self...like detaching with love. Have a fantastic day.
Thanks for all the shares. I've mostly been reading lately rather than sharing. But sometimes just silently listening(reading)is just as important as sharing/participating.
Thank you Skorpi. I always benefit from a reminder on motives. When I catch myself and check in on my motives, they tend to be self serving and I need to step back or come up with plan B. Gugs!
