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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> I'm back
Post Info TOPIC: I'm back
imom


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 114
Date:
I'm back
Permalink  

I haven't been active in al-anon for many years.  

I finally left my AH in 2015.  Sadly, just months later he was found deceased in our dream home...overdose.

I have spent all these years since then working on myself and getting stronger while continuing to nurture and raise our two children (who are now grown and thriving in college and beyond).  I however, have found myself back in a very similar situation

I have picked myself up financially (after having to go through bankruptcy and foreclosure). I bought a beautiful home that I love and couldn't be happier with.  BUT, I am living with my boyfriend who I love and adore.  He happens to be an old friend of my exAH...hmmmm...I should've been more careful.  He has spiraled and is now an out of control A.  He admits he is very sick and out of control, but he has made it very clear that he doesn't want to get help. 

I have broken up with him romantically, but have allowed him to stay in the house for now.  I am so afraid if I kick him out, he will off himself just like my AH did.  

We are in a very toxic co-dependent relationship and I know what I need to do.  My heart just won't allow me to do it.  

I am trying very hard to maintain boundaries, but struggle everyday.

I could use any advice or words of encouragement that anyone wants to give.

I have found an in person meeting near my new house and hope to make it tomorrow after work.  

I feel like such a failure and am so mad at myself.

Thanks for reading.



__________________
DM2021


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 744
Date:
Permalink  

{{imom}} Welcome back and sad to hear that the reason for your return to MIP.

My condolences for the loss of your ex-spouse and sad to hear that your new

relationship is with another alcoholic. On a different note, I am happy to hear

that you are going to go to a local F2F group because you need that support

close to home. Please do not feel like a failure!!! Working the 12 Steps as

soon as you can, coming here to MIP and going to F2F meetings will get you

going on the right track. I live with an active drinker and found over the

years that MIP/Al-Anon has helped me in a big way to learn how to stay in

my lane with the least amount to chaos and to work on myself to discover

those reasons I chose an alcoholic. {{HUGS}} to you and again

welcome back.

__________________

"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it

does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown

Debbie
luv123


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 175
Date:
Permalink  

This sounds so hard and your heart is heavy. We understand here. Are glad you are back!! sending care and love and faith that you will find the strength needed here and at the groups and sharing one on one. Bless you!

__________________

Wishing all the best on your recovery journey, Luv
Lyne


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 2536
Date:
Permalink  

{{{imom}}} Your writing on this board and locating a F2F meeting show the strength and courage you have. I have found that feeling like a failure only made me feel worse--it's wasted energy. You are planning your recovery and you know it's one foot in front of the other, one day at a time. I am married to an active A who also wants no help. I've got many years in alanon now and I have many wonderful days.

Please give yourself a little time. You will find your way as you have in the past. In your shoes I would try to be involved in alanon as much as possible. Keep coming back. :)



__________________

Lyne
tiredtonite


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 316
Date:
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Welcome back imom. Sorry to hear of the loss of your husband to the disease and your current troubles. I hope you won't beat yourself up for learning you're now living with an active alcoholic. If you recall, our Al-anon literature as well as many other sources inform that alcoholism is a cunning and baffling and progressive illness. Imho, it's not always obvious even to those with the disease in early stages that they have a problem. Some people are very good at hiding drinking/drugging etc. even when it's progressed. A first crisis can be a first awareness for family. I speak from experience. I also felt I should have seen it coming but it was either kept in check or away from me until his use increased and that was no longer possible for him. I've heard the same story shared many times by others in our program.

Great that you know of a meeting to attend for in person support and recovery. I hope you'll keep coming back here for love and support and to share your experience returning to Al-anon meetings. Keep taking good care of yourself. You're worth it.

 



__________________

Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
El


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 628
Date:
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I think we can all relate to aspects of your experience. My current husband is A #2 in my life. I saw the signs and made concessions. You will gain your alanon momentum back with all the support available to you. Dont be hard on yourselfits part of your life journey with this absolutely horrible disease. Hugs!

El



-- Edited by El on Thursday 12th of January 2023 02:39:28 PM

__________________
Enigmatic


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 888
Date:
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Hi mom,

Sorry to hear of your current struggles, but so glad you're back...echo what some have said above, getting back in touch with Alanon in any way possible always helps

__________________

Paul

"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives."  - Paths to Recovery 
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