The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
One of my favorite things to do. Isolate. When things are out of control and I know that there is nothing in the world I can do to change it then I go to my space and hide. When I have no power over the insanity that happens in my home then I have to get away from it. Better to isolate than lose my cool and go into my ranting and raving mode. That said, isolation at times is lonely and not beneficial. For me it is a learned behaviour. Growing up in an extremely violent home I learned early that if I were very quiet and very still and that if I made myself "invisible", sometimes I could escape being the target. At times I feel like that with the A in my life, hence the isolation. A double edged sword I believe Annie
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Two things: 1. Recovery is a process, not an event.....and.... 2. You only get to go around once. Leave em laughing and make it worth your while
Julia is so right. I grew up in a home with my A-Father. I spent a lot of time alone and learned to do that if anything is uncomfortable. In extreme cases it is very helpful, but in doing that as an adult with bigger issues than being yelled at by my Dad... I found I had nobody to talk to in my quite place except me... and I was quite sick by that time.
Face to face meetings and this board is the first rational conversations I have had to help me in several decades.
Keep posting, it helps all of us.
Take care of you!
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
Yes, I have done this many times, and something that helps me is to just sit down and write it all out. Since I don't have anyone I can talk to and talking to him even the next day does nothing but make things worse. I just found this place today while searching for an Alanon meeting, so maybe this will be helpful.
Isolation, oh yes. When my husband started drinking heavier and not coming home, I would sit and stare at the TV, my mind going a mile a minute. The phone would ring and I would not answer it, I would not accept any invitations to go out with family and friends, all I wanted to do was sit and do nothing. This made my situation worse, made my insanity escalate, and my relationship with my A chaotic. My whole world revolved around my A where he was, what he was doing, when he would be home, so there I sat isolating from "living". My depression getting worse and my world becoming smaller and smaller. My obsession with my A led me down a miserable path, woe is me, self pity , self loathing etc etc etc......... Getting my a$$ up and getting to a meeting once a week, for me and only me, began getting me out of this rut. I started to go out more, visiting with family and friends, accepting invitations and just doing it. I started to feel better, I started to get more energy, and I definately began to deal with problems alot better. I do not want to go back to that dark place again. I do periodically visit that part of my life, but I have learned to feel it, deal with it and move forward. I do not sit and dwell anymore of what if's what could have been's etc. because I cannot change what has happened, I can only change mytself and move forward, and live my life as I choose to, with or without the A's in my life. I will not let another control my happiness or well being anymore. I want to live, and I cannot give alanon face to face enough credit , for getting me to where I am today. I am not perfect, maybe I never will be, but I am starting to laugh, enjoy the people I am with, and I will never isolate myself from "life" again. Just letting you know , you are NOT alone, many of us have been right where you are now, and there is always Hope! Keep coming back it works if you work it and YOU are worth it.
