The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi to all on MIP, it has been awhile since I shared here, not that I don't read all the sharings, as I do, and learn a lot, and helps me to stay centered. Recently, I read a sharing from Paul about insane behaviour, and just had to share about. It is about the changes I have had made in myself, and what I have discovered since being in Al-Anon.
When I was first in Al-Anon, I thought to myself that "Why should I get help, he has the problem?". Since staying and starting on my recovery, boy, did I have a lot to learn, and still do. In my first marriage and part of my second, both with active Alcoholics, I was a pay backer, I had to get even. I can remember one time, after a really bad event, one night, I had to drive home, with someone passed out beside me. On getting home, and with what had happened previously, I was very angry. It was a very hot night, and where we lived there was an awful lot of Mosquitos. I knew this, so, got my Children into bed, and settled. Then I was going to "Pay Back", I wound every window down in the car, and left him there. Needless to say, at some very early morning, someone staggered in, abusing me of being bitten by the Mosquitos. I had a smile on my face, and knowing that there wouldn't have been a sober Mosquito for miles around.
In was only after a long time in Al-Anon that I could start to look at myself, and my behaviour, and accepting my insane behaviour, and my part in all of it. It took me a long time to forgive myself, and accepting it all. Thinking I was the Sane one, and others Insane.
But today, with the help of the program and many friends in it,I have been able to learn about the Disease of Alcoholism, both the effects, and the Active behaviour. I can look back at my part in it all, and laugh at myself, forgive, and make amends for my behaviour.
{{{Wendy P}}}. You have given us a great share with a lesson to learn. Program has helped me see that I needed help as much as my A. My son used to tell me I needed help and I looked at him like he was speaking martian. I arrogantly thought that if my A got help, all would be well. WRONG. I did many behaviors that I am ashamed of, but I forgive myself and have made amends to my A both times I've done the steps. Learning to laugh at myself is one of the amazing gifts of this program. Thank you so much for this share. It's good to look back, see where I've been, and still where I need to go. :)
