The material presented
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this topic came up over the weekend for me..........boy it was on time............this weekend, i realized i have been running away from my pain.....................
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>i decided that i need adjusting my attitude one day at a time. Instead of considering what I would do with my future, I now choose what I can do in the present. Instead of dreaming about tomorrow, I fashion it with the choices I make today. Some of our slogans seem designed to help me stay aware of the present moment: "One Day at a Time", "Just for Today", "How Important Is It?", and "Keep It Simple." These slogans focus on that small window of miracles called today. My first sponsor used to say that God works in the present moment. If I'm not in the present with God, what am I missing? When I apply the slogans, I feel myself slow down. I become aware of my breath and how I might be holding it instead of letting it flow deeply through me. If I allow it, my muscles relax and my mind and heart open trustingly to the realm of possibilities my Higher Power has waiting for me.
ME____________yeah, this is what i decided to do over the weekend .....on a DAILY basic, HOW can i change my attitude about me?? life?? hp??? for NOW, RIGHT NOW.......ONE day at a time....so i am working the steps real hard to stay in the NOW.........keep it simple so i am NOT overwhelmed........forget the future....think of the present.......
ME_____________dreaming about tomorrow i have done, and worse---- day dreaming/ fantasizing i am someone ELSE....younger, with a dream life...i am not even ME!!! so that tells me i have not yet accepted me/ loved me AS I AM............. all these "hits" lately and my sponser dumps me right in the middle of it........i just got pushed over the edge......so i ran!!! i isolated and fantasized!! i went to my other/ happier little world and i stayed there WAY too much as of late.....
ME________i mean i had to accept that i have another addiction and its name is fantasizing......i worked step one over the weekend on it....i did a lot of self talk...told myself "its gonna be ok, cuz u r aware of it...know what to do with it.....and willing to do what u gotta do"............but the "committee" in my head is saying "but rosie, what do you have in the way of a life in reality????? ZERO".......so i answer the committe by saying "i can ONE day at a time MAKE something for me....do things that make me happy without blowing tons of money, i can keep things simple.....do stuff staying in the present that pleases me"..........
ME___________the committee is wanting to say "bollocks to this pain/ work/ -- lets just go to our happier place at least we can be happy SOME time, even tho it is not reality"..............but i know that only "puts off the pain" like taking a drink to calm my nerves....the nerves come back when my body detoxes the alcohol.....i guess i am tired!!! at going on 60, i think i am just tired!!! so my plan is simple!!! work the steps.......meetings........PROPER nourishment....lots of water...excercise.....lots of self talk........KEEPING it SIMPLE.......if i can just MAKE me stay in the present and do things to improve me in ANY way, i can deal with the family of origin pain work, but i don't have to WALLOW in it.....like do it...than get away from it.......... there HAS to be something here , in life, that will give my life a sense of meaning......
ME_________ONE day at a time.............JUST for TODAY..............KEEP it SIMPLE.........funny this share comes up when i am having a "awakening" about my behaviour as of late........running away from pain......eating/ fantasy ANYthing to stay clear of pain....i am just pained out......... i am ready to LET go yesterday and tomrow, so i can love me NOW.............. so god stays in the present huh???? OK, NOW it is.......MORE self talk....getting back into the self talk.....getting BACK to TODAY.....SIMPLE.....EASY does it...........CALM down......STOP----BREATHE......THINK........."HP, enable me to rest in the NOW....."..........i feel sooo disconnected from me and my higher self.........
Rosie, I can relate to what you say. I am reverting to old, compulsive behaviours, too--constantly gazing over the fence, where the grass is greener. Can't seem to manage my anxiety any other way. (Except, of course, should I choose to work my program--which is oh, so "boring" to me, lately...
My saving graces: The 12 Steps, the Slogans, the unconditional love of my Al-Anon Family. I'll stop wallowing... TOMORROW! Heh, heh...
