The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's c2c speaks of missing the beauty and mystery of life because we are so focused on "what's wrong". This speaks to me because as I have posted earlier, I went on a holiday with my kiddo last week and it was a battle to keep worrying about what was happening at home from stopping me from enjoying my trip. I was able to let go, using a heavily stocked tool-kit, and I ended up having a great time. But it also makes me deeply sad. Earlier today my mother informed me that my brother lost his job of 12 years because he was drunk at work. When we spoke she had locked herself in her room to get away from his drunk nonsense. My mother is quite open in her anger now; she can't go anywhere or do anything because she's frightened of what my brother will do in her absence. He solidifies those fears by doing sh*tty things when she isn't at home. Recently he "groomed" her dog and cut off all of his facial hair including whiskers and eye-brows when he was drunk. I feel so sad that my mum, in her twilight years, isn't able to leave her home or enjoy the world because she is so consumed with worry about what her A son is doing. It's heartbreaking. I wish I knew of a way to help her let go and enjoy her life but it isn't practically possible. I'm very sad and worried today.
Hey You, thanks for sharing a great page on the value of deliberate focus, and for both above for sharing.
The choices vying for my attention are limitless, while my bandwidth for conscious thought and feeling is extremely narrow and immediately impacted by the area of my attention, more accurately by my interpretation of what I observe.
I am blessed to find peace when I remember that we each are where we are as a result of the sum of the choices we have made, and we each have the power to change our reality when our desire for change becomes stronger than the perceived value we get from our current choices.
I find comfort in the realization that, even when they say otherwise, individuals are feeling more value than distress in any situation that they allow to continue. Who am I to decide they should change? When that balance shifts, then, and only then will they make changes in their beliefs, actions, and circumstances.
When I lose my serenity, it is when I perceive some person, place, thing or situation as not the way I think it should be. When I make the mistake of thinking others share my worldview and values, and thus feel the same distress living their circumstances as I do from looking at them, I suffer...needlessly.
Before I found Alanon, I felt none of that peace and comfort, and certainly no serenity, mostly because I filled the narrow bandwidth of my conscious focus with thoughts of what would benefit others.
The program wisdom helped me understand that I and others are exactly where they should be in this moment based upon current desires, abilities, knowledge and worldview. I have the right and ability to change only mine...something I still forget at times.
Grateful for the wisdom of the program
__________________
Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
{{{YKM}}}. A family meeting is the next best thing to a real intervention with a professional alcohol helper (CASAC, certified alcohol and drug abuse counselor). I can only hope your mom goes to alanon to learn how to regain her freedom. It sounds like she is a prisoner in her own home. That's not fair! You are doing your job which is taking care of you by leaning into program. When you are going through hell, KEEP GOING!
