Al-Anon Family Group

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

Members Login
Username 
 
Password 
    Remember Me  
Post Info TOPIC: monologue by A


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 2481
Date:
monologue by A


My A giving me a soliloquy (a drama giving inner thoughts) fortunately occurs less frequently than it used to, but it is impossible to have a rational conversation.  And my A denies drinking.  I think I handled it better than in the past--it was not a fight, no angry accusations happened, I did interject thoughts now and then, but I still HATE listening to it and I know it comes from a place of illness.  After about an hour I ended the conversation, and as usual, I am accused of "not wanting to communicate.".   There is no winning or resolution that comes from an exchange like this.  Today I feel kind of disgusted, but I'm going to be busy and take a long walk with my dog, and this too shall pass.  I just needed to vent to those of you who may be subjected to this behavior as well.  Thanks for listening.



__________________

Lyne



~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 641
Date:

{{Lyne}} I think you handled the situation with grace and wisdom!

You know full well that these types of interactions do not lead to any resolution.

__________________

"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it

does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown

Debbie



Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 270
Date:

(((lyne)))) You're not alone. Been there, done that. I am usually listening to the "poor me's," of my sibling who lives at a distance.  I always feel sad afterwards and powerless to help them release themselves from the grip of self pity and alcoholism. In my personal experience, one verbal misstep can result in disappearance, silence for months; even years. At such times, I've been left wondering what exactly it was that I said or did. Resolution is on their terms when ready. Requiring an explanation results in a threat of their leaving again. 

So I Keep It Simple concerning communication with my sibling. There also isn't much of it which is also sad. Sometimes they don't even ask how I am in a text or call. Like you, I may take a long walk and come to terms with what is as opposed to how I would like things to be. On days that I feel especially resilient, I might phone them. On those days, not knowing who will answer Jeckyll or Hyde; I feel I have the strength to not take lashing out personally. I'm trying to do my best to keep a relationship with them as I promised our parent as long as it doesn't severely affect my own health and well-being. But I will say that communication with them can hardly be considered communication when it can only include sibling approved statements. Such is life huh? ;) I think we who have been around awhile have just learned to roll with it. I hope you enjoyed a beautiful walk with your dog and your higher power lyne.  Hugs



-- Edited by tiredtonite on Sunday 9th of October 2022 10:28:20 AM



-- Edited by tiredtonite on Sunday 9th of October 2022 10:28:49 AM

__________________

Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.



~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3968
Date:

I can relate to this and would just shut down sometimes and then be accused of being cold or not a very good communicator. The funny thing is my husband is not even an A just runs in his family like mine and he has unresolved cycles that I find myself attracted to. Since I left the blinders keep coming off slowly and I am realizing just how much chaos I let back into my life. I do enjoy taking my dogs on walks and getting out into nature to clear my head and keep myself in a healthy mind set. I've learned about myself that I am not good at detaching with love. Maybe it's the codependent in me, or my lapse in letting my program work slip thinking I was magically cured. Alas I am reminded of this program that requires me to continually do the work and be mindful of my own sickness. I can't fix my broken mind with my own broken mind. That is why I am digging back into the daily readers and keeping my head in my program. I have found working out and reading has helped me to get back on track. Sending you love and support on your journey!

 



__________________

Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree

Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666

" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."

"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."

Page 1 of 1  sorted by
 
Quick Reply

Please log in to post quick replies.