The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
And thanks so much (Mahalo Nui) for the sharing and caring I have read before posting. I surely needed to come here and recenter because I got complacent and when sucked back into Alcoholic Personalities lost my serenity, perspective and balance.
Yep I GOT HAD without pernotice and got caught with my program down and reacted. I gave up my serenity, my contact with my Higher Power was on/off/on as I struggled with control over my will and HP's will.
When I finally was able to do more turning over and less trying to control and react, I started to get the message from my HP. There are no guarantees that I will remaind sane and serene because I have had peace once and a while. I need this program 24/7!
Another program member, I felt, acted in a disrespectful, power and control, self-will-run-riot manner. I am sensitive (because I was raised in this alcoholic environment) to put downs and self centered, non-caring behaviors and my defensive/aggressive reaction turned on.
I didn't do what I use to do although I was compulsed to do it. I resorted to grabbing on to as much as I was taught in this program that I know works. I calmed down enough to rely on to the slogans..."Let go and Let God", "This too will pass", "Listen and learn", "DON'T react" and more and then when I was calmed my HP had me receive a distress call from a sponsee who was in the same situation!! Amazing. HP is just as cunning, powerful and baffling as the disease is...isn't HP?
I felt disrespected and discounted...Did I need to respond in the same way? I didn't know what motivated his actions...why then should I be hurt? I got polarized to anger...doesn't acceptance work better for how I want to really feel? On and on the lessons came and as they came I shared them with my sponsee and thanked him for the phone call. HP held us both. We both calmed down and got spiritually centered.
I gotta go practice and practice. That's what the Family has taught me diminishes complacency. (And a whoooooole lot more!!)
My gratitude is so deep for you guys and this program.
c u later ((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Something in your story touched on something that I am going through lately. A friend of mine unitentionally left me out of plans. It was partly a misunderstanding on my part and partly a breaking of rules guidelines for a organization we belong to. (It has a bbs post board like this too) I posted my inquiry "What's going on? I thought the plan was x. Can't help but feel left out" I dropped the whole subject and didn't pursue it anymore than my initial response. But the board spoke up and said that "Hey that's against the rules" But I didn't pursue it or press the issue any further and decided that it was disappointing but I would accept it. I later put togther another gathering for a certain developmental level of my child. I got a scathing email from the woman saying how I was wrong to go public about how I felt and that I was purposefully excluding her from the event. Everytime I tried to write this woman and calm her down, assure her that I wasn't being spiteful and that I accepted her decision and can't help that others got involved-she got angrier and angrier. I finally was like why don't we just apologize to one another and move on and be friends-she lashed out and said we weren't friends. I have obsessed about this. I tried to figure out my role in this. I tried my best to respect her feelings without disrespecting my own. I felt like I had to be true to myself too. But it's obvious now that this woman had no interest in looking at her part in the conflict and clearly felt like she was wronged. Now I wonder, was it wrong for me to point out her part of the problem? Or was I supposed to just apologize and not hold her accountable for anything? How do I respect others feelings while still respecting my own? I don't want to be a doormat, because I grew up with others feelings generally taking precendence over mine. But enforcing boundaries seems to lose friends.
