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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> C2C – September 23, 2022
Post Info TOPIC: C2C – September 23, 2022
DM2021


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 916
Date:
C2C – September 23, 2022
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In todays reading the author talks about how they found it difficult to hold back in response to "insults and rudeness."  

That they thought that Al-Anon told them that they did not have to "accept unacceptable behavior."  

Instead we are reminded that Al-Anon tries to teach us that we should not allow others bad behavior to "goad" us into 

responding in the same bad way, in kind, that instead believing that everyone is free to act the way they want but that

we should choose to treat everyone with courtesy, frees us from the stress of that chaos.

Reminder:  "Today I will let it begin with me."  "I do not have to accept unacceptable behavior; I can begin by refusing

to accept it from myself."  "I can choose to behave courteously and with dignity."

If I am reacting all the time I am not free!!  I truly can see how this has changed my life.

Does this reading resonant with you?



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"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it

does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown

 
Lyne


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 2767
Date:
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Thanks Debbie for your service. I think prior to program I felt the need to be "heard" if I felt I had been wronged. That hurried response to defend myself often led to an interaction of anger. After all, why didn't they see my side??? I've adopted an attitude similar to the golden rule: treat others as I want to be treated. That works very well for me. And I also add a side measure of: pause, think, and pray (Bless them, change me). I no longer have the urgent need to respond right away. Often in delaying a response, I never respond at all. If I do respond, it is well -planned with respect given to all, including myself!

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Lyne
Youknowme


Senior Member

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Thanks Debbie, and everyone for your responses.
I have a long history of causing myself grief by needing to have the last word and just as TT says, this has made it very easy for me to be set up in "gotcha" exchanges. I truly think if I could count the number of times I have allowed myself to react to taunting to then be labelled a "psycho" it would number in the high hundreds.
But I can equally admit that when I first discovered the idea of taking my time and responding (or not) instead of reacting, I was quite taken with the power that came with not reacting to people who were trying to get a rise out of me. A form of weaponised detachment, perhaps.
I find it a lot easier these days to stay silent and allow both myself and the other person to consider carefully before continuing, and while they may not notice a difference, I don't often feel that "haha gotcha" myself when I don't react now, which is certainly healthier for me.



-- Edited by Youknowme on Sunday 25th of September 2022 04:40:13 AM

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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> C2C – September 23, 2022