The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's C2C speaks of the benefits to both speaker and listener when sharing, honestly and fearlessly, as per the 5th step. Sharing our experiences and disclosing our poor decisions and motivations to the right person or people in the right setting achieves so much more than simply lightening the burdens we carry but also allows us to gain new perspectives on our own actions; even simply hearing ourselves aloud can profoundly change our perception of ourselves and the way we view our story. So too, listening is not only reciprocal but can give us valuable insights into our own experiences and help us realise that we are not so unique or terrible as we think we are. I think it's also important to emphasise sharing with the right people in a safe environment; al-anon creates opportunities to do this and for many of us, it frees us from the compulsion to disclose our (often overwhelmingly negative) perceptions of ourselves to people who don't necessarily hear us with our best interests at heart. I know that pre-al-anon I would attempt to disclose my own perceived failings and defects to the people I was desperately trying to "help" or "love" by creating some kind of idealised sharing relationship and that almost always backfired; telling someone struggling with addiction or extreme anger and resentment my perceived failings was no different to handing them a shovel to whack me on the head with! Conversely, I used to desperately hide the truth from those that I admired or who seemed to "have it together" for fear of judgement. Finding a safe place to explore my story and self-perception and learning to share and listen with mutual growth in mind was life changing and I thank every one of you for having been a part of that journey.
Thanks youknowme for the reading and to all sharers on this topic.
Our Al-anon meeting opening suggests a mutual understanding among members who live or have lived with alcoholism. Our meeting closing reminds us to respect not only the anonymity of attendees but to not repeat identifiable personal sharing heard within our meeting place. "Everything that is said here, in the group meeting and member-to-member, must be held in confidence. Only in this way can we feel free to say what is in our minds and hearts, for this is how we help one another in Alanon." Adoption of these practices has kept me coming back. Al-anon is a safe place to share and be understood.
Today, I have greater clarity about the importance of being selective when sharing confidences than I did years ago. When working Steps 4 and 5, I feared what would be unearthed. I feared being vulnerable, judged and sharing my first personal inventory with another Al-anon member - an Al-anon sponsor. It was in fact a positive bonding experience that helped to build greater trust in myself and others.
Even today I see a vast difference between what I share with recovering and non recovering people in my life. There is discomfort, skepticism and lack of understanding of alcoholism and it's effects among non recovering family members and friends. I understand this because I felt these things myself when entering Al-anon. It is so much easier to share and be understood by others who have worked the 12 steps and are ready for honesty and openness about the effects of alcoholism. Friends who don't have alcoholism in their lives can be wonderful listeners and have brought an enlightened view at times based on other life experiences. With that said, I tend to enjoy these relationships more when I separate out the alcoholism in my life and we focus on other mutual interests.
I'm grateful for the sources of support that are always available to me. Our online recovery here, f2f meetings, program people to share with outside meetings and particularly a loving higher power with whom I share daily.
__________________
Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
So important to remember that not everyone needs, wants , or most importantly deserves to know my story. I am very selective with whom I share personal matters with and I am extra careful to remember to share my story, not my qualifiers. That is for her to do with whom she chooses.
My experience has been that people whom have been in the rooms or other like minded recovery programs can understand like others simply cannot.
