The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Todays reading is a focus on learning who we are and how we define ourselves. The writer describes growing up in an alcoholic home and as a result, having a false sense of self. The writer felt invisible and without a voice. When the writer felt something, it felt like the experience of someone else. Through program work, the writer began to focus on self, taking personal inventory and not getting into others business. The writer discovered through step 1 that he/she was someone who tried to control alcoholism, in step 2 the writer began considering the existence of a higher power who could help, in step 4 the writer began to define him/herself rather than be defined by others.
I have thought about how often I have reacted to what others are doing or saying in order to make decisions for myself. I have reacted to other situations and worked around what other people are doing or saying rather than make decisions for myself on my own terms. Working through the steps and working on a personal inventory were helpful in learning more about who I am. One of the most beneficial exercises I did with a sponsor was a a look at how I would I define positive characteristics of myself in addition to character defects I work on. For me it was another aspect of the gentleness of this program: most of us look incessantly at all the things we would characterize as defects, to balance that with positive traits is a way to see ourselves with better clarity.
The Thought for the Day reminds us: In Al-Anon I can safely do the work of defining myself rather than allowing others to do the job.
Thank you Mary for your service, and Deb for your thoughts on how today's reading affects you.
I am always grateful to come here and get what I need. Support, validation, a path forward. Al-Anon showed me that I had lost myself during my long journey with an addicted spouse. Gaslighting took away the confidence I once had. In all honesty, it is still a huge trigger for me, but my program has shown me how to deal and heal.
I can really identify with Mary when she said she would work around what other people are doing/saying rather than make decisions for herself. That is what my adult life had grown into. And with my Step 4 work, I realized that was my pattern all along! I have done 3 serious Step 4's. Each one has brought me closer to who I really am and who I want to become. I am a work in progress!
I hope everyone enjoys their Sunday - however that is revealed to you!
__________________
"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
