He hung up on me-feel so hopeless-need hope - Al-Anon Family Group

sarahlm · Veteran Member

He hung up on me-feel so hopeless-need hope

Maria123 · ~*Service Worker*~

(((((((((((((((Sarah)))))))))))))))))))))))) <--------hugs

So glad you came to post. What a great start. Here is a link to the chatroom which almost always has people there when you are feeling in crisis:

www.mipchat.net

say yes to authenticity question otherwise you can't get in. Someone can help you with a screen name.

In the meantime, though I do not share your situation, I do remember feeling so upset and the waiting ~ one second felt like a lifetime, never mind one minute or one day.

Are there any Alanon meetings in your area? Google al-anon with your state for resource links. You are powerless over him, his jailtime, his hanging up on you but you are not powerless over what you do.

Also there's 1-888-ala-non to call for a meeting listing. Get to a meeting. Let them know you are new and tell them your story. It's ok to cry. I attend two meetings a week and we are there for newcomers. You will get a newcomers packet and list of meetings, days and times. You will find the love and support.

Again, I welcome you to MIP (Miracles in Progress) and hope you will keep coming, keep posting, go to a meeting and come online.

It does get better, one second at a time.

Maria123

Christy · ~*Service Worker*~

Sarah,

Just wanted you to know that I did read your post. Maria pretty much covered it.
If you work this program honetly, you will quit treading water, find the sand bar and then the shore.
Finding a local meeting is the one best thing you can do to get started.

"When I got busy, I got better"

Christy

-- Edited by Christy at 17:47, 2006-05-06

jrtjosey · ~*Service Worker*~

Like pointed out in other posts, you are doing so many tytpical things. New to you, but done by so many Alanonics before you. old hat. You are forced to dettached fromn him right nowl. Dettaching from the situation is so go for you, there is no senses in gighting in something you cannot change anyway.

You say he hung up on you, how rude. He was the one with the limited time andhe cut it off? If you had mmimited time with you family, would you want to spend it fighting? No, it wa s alvohol talking. Take this time alonw to learn abput Alanon, by coming here and joining u in chat. Take this time to do for yourself.

Josey

Tammy · Senior Member

I think that was becomes so frusterating is that we think that THEY hold the power .. THey hang up on us, we cry, they call us names, we cry, they make stupid choices like driving drunk, and we wait for them to call.. Well let me tell you that with alanon I have learned that the power is MINE i just have to take it.. That means, work on ME, for once think about you and what makes YOU happy. That was really hard for me when I have lived more than 1/2 my life trying to please someone who didnt appreciate me or what i did .. Thru alanon I have learned so much, met so many great people who really understand what it is like loving someone who has this disease.

We listen, and we care.. Right now it sucks, you may feel hopeless and lonely but if you work this program you will see that it doesnt have to be that way !! Find a friend, get your nails done, go see a funny movie, do something for yourself.. But just warning once you start treating yourself it is hard to STOP,..

Y have the POWER !!

Faith73 · Senior Member

(((Sarah)))

There is hope here! You aren't alone, I too have been where you are and I'm so much better today because of Alanon. The first thing I learned were the 3 c's. I didn't cause it, can't control it, and can't cure it. Like Maria said, we're powerless over others, but not ourselves. You don't have to make any big decisions right now, in fact, alanon suggests you work program for 6 or so months before making any major decisions, but that's up to you too. There are no musts.

Be easy on yourself, it's not your fault he hung up on you. You ask, how do we get over someone we love? We use the slogan, Let Go and Let God. It takes time to do that and to heal, working this program will help you with that.

Love in recovery, Christine

Dolphin123 · ~*Service Worker*~

((((((((Sarah))))))))),

Wow I can so relate to your post.

Last year my "A" was in jail for 5 months. And hung up on me quite a few times. I remember one time was because he didn't like my reaction to a letter he sent me, I wasn't as excited as he thought I should be to the idea he came up with. He hung up on me, and I was so mad. I wrote him a nasty letter, telling him what I really thought of him. And Before I could change my mind I put it in the mail. Well the next day he called me, apologized for being a jerk, and we talked. I warned him about the letter. The next day he called me, told me he got the letter. LOL, he thanked me. For finally really letting him have it.

Anyway-------

Take things one day at a time. Go to meetings, you will find friends there. People who truly care about you. Try not to worry about him. How he chooses to use this time in jail is up to him.

Keep coming back.

Much Love,

nycbt · ~*Service Worker*~

Welcome to MIP. You are not alone. There a lot of people who understand.

World Service Organization Website –

WWW.al-anon.alateen.org

Phone number is 1-888-425-2666

Alanon meetings 800-351-9996

Alanon literature Worldwide 888-425-2666

Alanon meeting info. 800-433-7266 AA info.

Chat room is open 24/7 there here the link to www.mipchat.net or http://www.12stepforums.net/chatroom2.html

Here are some things that have helped me since in the program.

Go face to face meeting & online meeting.
post on the board here on the site. I have gotten a lot of good feed back.

· Set support system. people do not judge.You need someone who can go for coffee on a bad day, or pick up a phone and call when in trouble. The support is what is important when you first this program.

Have a sponsor. Someone work one on one with you.

You don’t have to do this the minute u come to the program but I suggest that u do it when u can. It help.

Meeting schedule: meetings are in here and run approximately 90 minutes from: Monday-Friday, 9 am and 9 pm EST, Saturday: 10 am and 9 pm EST, Sunday: 10 am and 7 pm EST. Topics are selected by participants at meeting time. UK +5 hours, central -1 hour, mountain -2 hours, pacific -3 hours. Open chat all other times.

jennneeefffurrr · Senior Member

My A went to jail about 5 years ago and was convicted of Felony Assault and Kidnapping - he was in a fight, drunken bar fight, and the wife of the man he was fighting told the officers that he tried to grab her. Just before he got a DUI because he was drunk and fell asleep at the wheel at a stop light.

He went to jail for a couple of months, now he is a convicted felon.

He took life a little more seriously - he was ordered to attend AA meetings - he got sober for like 7 months.

His life went back into turmoil because the weight of the felony on his record kept him from renting apartments and that type of thing. He started drinking again.

About 2 years ago he got sober. He stayed sober for a while. Then his father got ill and was dying, he again turned to alcohol and also marijuana. His father died about 7 months ago and he is a mess. He has been sober for a few weeks or a day or even 9 days - then back to beer and worse Rum...makes him a jerk.

He has been a total a-hole lately when he is drunk on Rum.

Through this group I am finding out that the snide comments and the a-hole he acts like is because, most likely, HE is feeling like he is a disgusting drunk and HE knows that HE is the problem, NOT ME!!!

I am going to advise you, and take my advice lightly I am so new to this, that YOUR husband is feeling like sh*t because of HIS actions and retaliating against you because HE feels he really doesnt deserve your love because of who he is and what he has done. The humiliation of his very real situation...make sense? I hope so, I am at work and trying to do this and my job...

MUCH love to you....God bless you and your A

Jen

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.