The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
In the comfort and friendly confines of an Alanon meeting, one member noted the ease of smiling and good humor. Is this the face we present at home was one member's question to the group? Or do we exhibit our martyr face to express our unhappiness with other's decisions.
Reminder - Do I use Martyr face to nonverbally protest, or remember I can still use humor to lighten the mood even if I'm not happy with all decisions and behavior at home? Do I catch myself holding back on displays of happiness or joy to demonstrate my unhappiness or gain sympathy?
"...that thou art happy, thou owest to God; that though continues such, thou owest to thyself." - Milton, Paradise Lost ----------------------- In life, what I expect to see and find is generally what I do see and find. If I'm expecting a negative environment at home I can show that in my expressions, attitude and patience level without even realize the change...others can.
There is no doubt that I often give strangers and my boss more positive effort, partly because I know I have to, also because I don't have the history of certain unpleasantness.
I like this page because it reminds me that I have a choice, that I look for opportunities to put my pleasantness and sense of humor to work at home. It may not change the environment every time, but at the very least it will lift my own spirits.
Grateful for the reminders
__________________
Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
Thank you Paul for your service and interesting topic and share. My A has had the martyr face the last few days. I'm just trying to detach with love and have a neutral face. I used to have the martyr face because I was so angry, disappointed, hurt, and resentful. These days, and especially the last few, I'm practicing acceptance, humility, and gratitude. ODAT.
I know I have this face, but its hard to hide my repeated disappointment every weekend (which starts on Thursday evenings now) when the drinking starts and I am virtually abandoned and fending for myself. I will try harder to find a silver lining in being alone while with someone. You all know how difficult it is though and for that sense of community, I am grateful. Thanks for the reminder.
I certainly one who struggles in the actual moments of difficulty. Where I have had better success is during the neutral times, where I find myself like the author, holding back on smiling, laughing joking out of a habit of suppression, withholding of good because of the remembrance of the bad...emotional hangover.
__________________
Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
I love your title Paul- this describes me perfectly and I suspect I'll think of it this way always now. What's worse is I will wear this face while I actively sign up for things I don't want to do, already feeling victimised by...what exactly? My own inability to set boundaries or be seen as selfish? It's hilarious really.
