The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Todays reading is about the importance of taking care of ourselves with boundaries. The writer learned to set a boundary with others when it came to use of sarcasm. Someone was being sarcastic while the two were trying to reach an agreeable solution to a conflict. The writer refused to continue unless the other person could continue in a respectful way. That did not work so the writer got up and left the discussion. The person in question realized that sarcasm would no longer work, ultimately respecting the writer for setting a clear boundary. The writer goes on to say that setting boundaries is a way we can take care of ourselves: changing the things we can, as the Serenity Prayer states. In order to set boundaries, we need to know the difference between our responsibilities and someone elses.
This writing makes me think about the internal work we do in recovery. It can be complicated, multi layered and not easy. How can we put in all that is done in recovery work and then not establish what are the boundaries we need in our lives? I know in my case it has been easy to confuse setting boundaries and being uncaring. As if we are refusing to help others or be compassionate when we make decisions about what we want or dont want in our lives. I am thinking now that setting boundaries with others is an act of compassion for them and us. In the same way no other person is responsible for our happiness, no one other person can be the source of our problems either.
The Thought for the Day reminds us: I take care of myself today by setting reasonable boundaries with those around me. And a thought from the Forum (September 2000, p.28): You cannot set boundaries and take care of someone elses feelings at the same time.
