The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well, where to begin .... With my zero tolerance boundary for lies that I set months ago and let slide little by little until last night. To make a long story short my A and I had an agreement about financial decisions, and in the last few days there were numerous lies told to me without my prodding about a new loan he decided to take out without my knowledge. Because he kept checking on the balance by phone and I was trying to set up an online thing to pay our loan payment on the same day the bank's security called to make sure everything was on the up and up. OOPS for him, WOW for me.
I have calmly let him know that I am no longer going to interupt the way he wants to live his life. That I am sorry I was such a pain in the #ss to have around. And that I am leaving. Tonight. He does not seem to mind, after all he has 600 or so dollars, I am confident to not hear from him for at least the weekend.
In my head I have decided that in the last 8 or so months since his bipolar diagnosis I have been patient. I voiced my concerns when he did not go back to the doctor or continue meds after 3 months. I gave him a slip of paper with a list of things that would make me feel safe in this marriage, he has not done one of them. Meanwhile I have been doing them all for myself and for a better chance of us being happy in the long run. Except one the zero tolerance for previous behavior .... mayeb it is not fair after not enforcing it for this long to all of a sudden say LOOK but this relationship has not always been fair to me either.
I have not made firm decsions on what exactly leaving means I just know I can't watch now knowing he has this money ... he'll have a good week and then next weekend with none, I will see him lay in bed for 3 days and never move. I finally get it, nothing I do makes a difference. The only thing that matters to him is money and whatever high he is using it for gambling, drugs, alcohol, who knows.
So I am feeling a bit pitiful right now, I am gonna walk out the door with a small case, 2 dogs and go bombard my Mom's house without a penny to my name because I paid the bills LOL.... the last thing she really needs is me showing up right now. <sigh>
I'm worried about my health insurance which comes from him. I am worried about being a burden to my family. And I am really really sad.
Hello, Jennifer, Welcome to the First Step! You have really got it that your life is unmanageable. Those of us here who have done the work of the program know how hard it really is to get to that point. Please make sure you take care of yourself now. Go to meetings, get a sponsor, start working the next steps. We care about you. Blessings, mebjk
Jennifer, it must hurt a lot. I would like to say this,
Be glad you get to go to your mothers. I know we need to rest when we go thru these horrible losses. Maybe you can rest more there. I am sure you do your part and help around the house.
I don't know your mom but I tell ya,when my daughter shows up, I love it. She, in a way is going thru what you are. She had the courage to leave with her newborn baby.
She has come here twice now. I wish she would choose to stay! But she found a nice place where she wants to be and has friends there.
Anyway I hope that you can think of this as a new beginning. Take each day and do your best.
I remember how painful it is. I slept a lot, ate well. I wish I could have gone to my mothers.
Her A is doing the bi polar thing too. So what? He is still A and a liar and abuser. My daughters xA.
It takes courage to do what you did. I would tell my mother what I felt. I hope you have a good relationship with her. Reading you are bringing your dogs to her house tells me she must welcome you.
I am so glad you are able to bring your dogs.
Keep coming back. Think of you, and remember it all feels worse when you are tired.
I am sorry it came to that point, but tomorrow is not set in stone either. Maybe this will influence him is some way... maybe not, but you decided this is right for you, therefor it is!
You are just as special to us regardless of what you decide... I really appreciate that about this place.
You are taking care of you and I am proud of you. Your strength in doing what is right is an inspiration.
Keep taking care of you and enjoy your time with your mom!
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
I think you are so brave. I have often wanted to leave, but have never been able to follow through. I have often thought that what he was doing was too much to take, but didn't say "goodbye".
You need to do what is best for you. And whatever that may be I am praying for you.
Much Love,
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"Today's problems can not be solved if we still think the way we did when we created them" -Albert Einstein
