I was doing a little research this morning on the meanings of certain words.  My question for myself was: when is it gossip vs. constructive criticism vs. inventory taking vs. opinion?  First I'd like to share the meanings I found online (bear with me, some are long), then I'd like to share my own thoughts on how I think they relate with Al-Anon and our Traditions. (meanings in italic font)
 
gos·sip 
1. Rumor or talk of a personal, sensational, or intimate nature.
2. A person who habitually spreads intimate or private rumors or facts.
3. Trivial, chatty talk or writing.

in·ven·to·ry 
1. a. A detailed, itemized list, report, or record of things in one's possession, especially a periodic survey of all goods and materials in stock.
b. The process of making such a list, report, or record.
c. The items listed in such a report or record.
d. The quantity of goods and materials on hand; stock.
2. An evaluation or a survey, as of abilities, assets, or resources.

o·pin·ion 
1. A belief or conclusion held with confidence but not substantiated by positive knowledge or proof: "The world is not run by thought, nor by imagination, but by opinion" Elizabeth Drew.
2. A judgment based on special knowledge and given by an expert: a medical opinion.
3. A judgment or estimation of the merit of a person or thing: has a low opinion of braggarts.
4. The prevailing view: public opinion.
5. Law A formal statement by a court or other adjudicative body of the legal reasons and principles for the conclusions of the court.

An opinion is a person's ideas and thoughts towards something. It is an assessment, judgement or evaluation of something. An opinion is not a fact, because it is not possible to prove (or disprove) an opinion.

For example, one may claim that strawberry is a better tasting flavor of ice cream than vanilla. Another might claim that vanilla is a better tasting flavor. (If you disagree with either of these opinions, substitute chocolate, butter pecan, or whichever flavor of ice cream you think tastes better than vanilla, for my use of strawberry.) The original claim is an opinion; it is neither true nor false, it is simply a claim which can neither be proven nor disproven. Now, if one claims that strawberry is a more popular flavor than vanilla, that is no longer an opinion, it is a fact, which can be proven, (or in this case disproven) by showing another fact, that more vanilla ice cream is sold than strawberry. (The presumption being that people buy ice cream in order to consume it, thus, more purchases of vanilla would indicate vanilla is more popular than strawberry since people would not purchase ice cream simply to throw it away.)

The issue of whether strawberry ice cream tastes better than vanilla ice cream is still, however, arbitrary and nonprovable, and thus remains an opinion (as would the opposite opinion that vanilla ice cream tastes better than strawberry. Note that simply because a particular opinion is more popular still does not make the opposite opinion incorrect or wrong). It would not be permissible for someone else to claim that either opinion on which tastes better is wrong because opinions are still arbitrary and can neither be proven nor disproven. It is permissible to state that one disagrees with the opinion. It is, however permissible to claim that the statement that strawberry is more popular than vanilla is wrong, because it is a claim of a fact, the claim having been contradicted by one or more other facts.

Opinions can either be made up by a person or taken over from another person. Sometimes some people try to force their opinions on others. In general, all people are free to form opinions as they see fit. However, in certain political regimes, it may not be advisable to express certain opinions openly. In economics, philosophy, or other social sciences, analysis based on opinions is referred to as normative analysis (what ought to be), as opposed to positive analysis, which is based on observation (what is). Not all schools of thought find this distinction useful.

Constructive criticism is the process of offering valid and well-reasoned opinions about the work of others, usually involving both positive and negative comments, in a friendly manner rather than an oppositional one. In collaborative work, this kind of criticism is often a valuable tool in raising and maintaining performance standards.

Because of the overuse of negative, nagging criticism, some people become defensive even when receiving constructive criticism given in a spirit of good will. Constructive criticism is more likely to be accepted if the criticism is focused on the recipient's work or behavior. That is, personality issues must be avoided as much as is possible. Critical thinking can help identify relevant issues to focus on.

Especially sensitive individuals may adopt a passive, defeated attitude if they view a situation as personal, pervasive, or permanent (see learned helplessness). Others may adopt an aggressive response. In an online forum lacking face-to-face contact, constructive criticism can be easily misinterpreted and online exchanges often spiral out of control, becoming flamewars. Effective interpersonal communication skills can be helpful to assess the recipient's frame of mind. During initial exchanges or when encountering defensive individuals, effective criticism calls for softer language and inclusion of positive comments. When the recipient strongly identifies with contentious areas (such as politics or religion), non-offensive criticism becomes challenging.

On the other hand, stronger language can sometimes break through a defensive shell. Further, many people (both as providers and even recipients of criticism) appreciate a blunt style. They see bluntness as honest and efficient while viewing softer approaches as manipulative, condescending, tedious, or confining. Often, such people view stronger exchanges as lively and engaging.

Adopting the most effective style of criticism should be tempered by the cultural context, the recipient's personality, and nature of the relationship between provider and recipient. To assess a situation, one should put out exploratory feelers and initially adopt a perceptive rather than judgmental attitude; conflict resolution skills can be helpful.

As a recipient of criticism, one can benefit by focusing on the constructive elements of the criticism and by attributing charitable interpretations to those who use strong language. By adopting an open attitude to criticism, one can achieve greater personal growth and help uncover blind spots. Alternatively, such openness may be subjected to ridicule especially in a cynical or honor-based culture.

Tradition One states: "Our common welfare should come first; personal progress for the greatest number depends upon unity."
Tradition Twelve states: "Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our Traditions, ever reminding us to place principles above personalities."
The 3 Obstacles to Success in Al-Anon are: 1. Discussions of Religion. 2. Gossip. 3. Dominance.

Al-Anon doesn't have any rules - what it has is guidelines.  These guidelines are found in our steps, traditions and concepts.  These are the principles of our program.  A healthy group is one that strives to keep those principles foremost.  Healthy groups take group inventories to see where they might need improvement.  When a group decides to make any changes, they hold a group business meeting and discuss the change, does it fit in with our principles, is it best for the common welfare of the group, then they vote and the majority opinion in the vote is the final say.  Sometimes there may be some constructive criticism.  Do we look upon this as inventory taking or gossip?  Or do we look upon this as just an opinion that perhaps we may want to consider?  If someone said to me, "Kis, people feel you are being dominant", should I take offense and accuse that person of gossiping/inventory taking...or should I take it as an attempt at constructive criticism or even an opinion held by more than one and something I'd want to look at in myself to determine whether or not I am being dominant?  I love the line I've heard in here, "Is it more important to be right or to be happy?"  Oftentimes, what I felt to be "right" turned out not to be and I certainly wasn't happy trying to enforce what I felt to be "right", and as I grow and learn I find out why that was so and why I was so unhappy.  I learned in college there is a big difference between criticism and constructive-criticism.  Nowadays I welcome the gentle reminders people may give me when they feel I may need to hear it for our common welfare here in Al-Anon.  I even listen to my A when he says things, cause ya know, sometimes he is right, imagine that! LOL  I know for a fact that I am imperfect and fall short many times.  This is why I welcome nudges from others.  I have at times seen something which I feel isn't in line with our program principles, for example name calling and I've tried to nicely ask that it cease.  Then I am reminded that I too have done this, and yes, that is true.  And I need that reminder, because I too need not to do those things, as they serve no healthy purpose for me or for the group.  I am willing to listen and learn.  This is part of humility, being humble.  Humility is not a weakness when it helps you to learn and grow into a healthier, happier person.  I should not be afraid to speak up either when I feel the principles of our program aren't being followed.  Every single one of us here has the responsibility to keep our program healthy, to work together for that, for if we don't have a healthy program and group, then how will we ourselves get healthy?  I guess the trick is in learning how to address unhealthy behavior, whether it be individually or group, so as not to be stirring up contention and ill feelings.  Most importantly, I need to keep looking at myself and questioning myself as to whether I am doing my part in keeping my side of the street clean and living by the program principles.  If I need help in doing this, am I reaching out and asking for that help?  Do I share my thoughts and feelings and welcome others thoughts and feelings, do I "reason things out" with others?  Do I mind if others disagree with me?  When I think that our purpose for being here is to find a way to live healthily and happily, that I'm here to learn because on my own it sure wasn't working, then I should not have a problem with trying to be open-minded and consider what each person says, whether I agree or disagree at that time.  We all have differences, yet we have a common problem - there isn't just one way, one solution to it.  Yet this program works for each and every one who truly works it.  Now that is something really amazing.  Thanks for reading, I know it was really long.

Luv, Kis