Al-Anon Family Group

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

Members Login
    Remember Me  
Post Info TOPIC: Courage to Change June 22

~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1067
Courage to Change June 22

Hello MIP! 

In today's reading, the author shares about how working with a sponsor helped them to learn how to take responsibility for their emotions, and express themselves in a more straightforward way. This started by being careful with words chosen for self-talk and communicating intentionally. Instead of thinking about someone "making me feel" a certain way, the author now understands that they have the power over their own emotions, and that they can instead talk about how they experienced something and what they want. This helped the author stop being a victim. 

Today's Reminder: What do my words communicate? Do they express what I am trying to say? Today I will listen more closely to what my words have to say. 

Today's Quote: "We learn in time that it is not subjects which are controversial, but the manner in which we communicate about them and the elements of personal blame we add to them in anger." The Dilemma of the Alcoholic Marriage


What a timely reading for me today! My wife and I were having a discussion about communication recently, and I was able, thanks to this reading, of better understanding our differences. 

What stood out to me in this reading was especially the focus on choosing our words carefully to ensure that they are really communicating our meaning. I appreciated as well the focus on how the author experienced something and what they want. It reminds me of some other Al-Anon readings about expressing needs, and letting go of what others do. Giving others the ability to say yes or no, and having both answers be acceptable is important to me. 



If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu

~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 2484

Thank you Skorpi for your service and ESH. This is a power packed reading reminding me that I am responsible for my emotions, actions, and words. I try to practice all of these, and of course, progress not perfection!



~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 645

Thank you Skorpi for your service, reading and to you and Lyne for both your ESH.

It is a timely reading and post Skorpi!! I have been stuck on April 1 & 2 of ODAT because I am having

difficulty with dealing with the sadness caused by the lack of constructive, compassionate and courteous

dialogue with AH. I do so want to be able to accept and move on from the disappointment and stop

allowing the nasty retorts from AH to affect me. I end up just avoiding all discussions with AH that are

not related to the household because anything I say to him is not appreciated or approved (sic). So

I am working on my thoughts of dislike because I know that it is not healthy to harbor resentment,

which entails Letting Go and Letting God and accepting AH for who he is. Mediation is so helpful as well,

makes a huge difference!!


"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it

does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 270

Thanks Skorpi for your service and to all sharers.  Today's Quote is really my jumping off point for this share. I'm beginning to realize that there are going to be times when no matter my best efforts to communicate my words may be misconstrued.  Recovering people in my humble opinion are often square pegs trying to fit in round holes. Our changing for the better apparently "inconveniences" others who once always had their way with us. I had this idealistic notion especially in my earlier years in Alanon that the program was going to bring about better understanding and better relationships between myself and all family members. Admittedly, there has been a longing for this and an effort to make it happen. But of course there has to be willingness from both parties to see any progress. No matter how recovery focused the communication, when there is a closed minded, unwilling, perhaps unrecovering receiver there no progress in the communication. In fact, my experience has been when trying to be clear; the more I talk, text, email, the deeper the hole I create and documentation then becomes food for festering resentments, gossip and retaliation. This is where Alanon's saying "Say what you mean, mean what you say and don't say it mean," seems to be the one and only option with such people. No expanding, no details, nothing emotional, just direct toneless communication - short to the point and end of conversation with a polite send off such as "thanks, it's appreciated, love you," and then ending the call, closing the text message or email box and getting back to my own life in the present moment. Although that may seem a bit cold, it  has saved my sanity and serenity when communicating with certain "unsafe" people. It's been a useful tool to keep me from reacting and engaging in drama and having such events overshadow my day. TT


Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.

Page 1 of 1  sorted by
Quick Reply

Please log in to post quick replies.