The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Todays reading is a focus of step 8: Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all. The writer describes hearing others share about this step, and resolving to make peace with the idea that his/her parents did the best they could, and letting go of resentments when they passed away. The words felt hollow though, and the writer confided to his/her sponsor that memories of alcoholic mother still tortured her/him. The sponsor assured that amends did not have to be made, but rather the idea that simply becoming willing was the point of this step. Willingness would allow for the ability to move on. For the writer, reflecting on willingness opened the concept of understanding: his/her own parents did not have healthy parenting skills, as a 12 yr old, unsupervised, the writer did the best he/she could do. The thought for the day underscores this idea with: When I can see the disease of alcoholism, rather than the alcoholic, as the cause of my wounds, the deep healing of recovery can begin.
This page got me thinking about how the instinct for me is to try and fix every negative scenario I have been a part of, and also to some extent assume that I am the reason for the negative in the scenario! What I have noticed in recovery is more of a give and take- there are moments that are full of such good and wonder that they seem to be an answer to some previous negativity, and then there are some that are difficult and worthy of amends, which can be traced to the idea that just like everyone else, Im a work in progress. Im beginning to understand that while I can always learn from my past, I dont have to permanently hang out there, with one foot in something that happened a decade and a half ago and one trying to take a few steps into today. The quotation from Paths to Recovery (p. 84) reminds us: Step Eight reminds us that only we can unlock the door of our past and walk away.
Happy Fathers Day to dads and those who are remembering dads. I hope everyone enjoys a peaceful Sunday:)
