The material presented
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I have been searching for answers and sort of found it. brief history, married 16 yrs, together 24 yrs, no children, husband began cocaine use in 04, found out and he stopped in 5-31-05. no cocaine since, now occasionaly drinks, he moved out 12 days ago. had affair during drug use. gave me the I love you so much but dont know if i am love with you speech in 2-06. at first thought depression, then midlife crisis, but i was recently made aware that he is back in "active addiction". had outpatient rehab therapy. started to attend meetings, read from "just for today" and discussed every night, never had a sponsor. stopped meetings in fall except if he needed it. stopped reading in february. said he only got to the 4th step. i went to meetings also but stopped going in august. he is now unsure of what he wants. one minute he wants to come home, the next he doesnt. one minute wants to be with me the next he doesnt...etc. i just tuesday had the blinders removed and everything became clear. we are trying to have a no contact period. i did talk with him last night about his relapse and he said he would sort through all that i talked about and let me know in several days what he wants to do. the hard part now is since he is not at home, i cannot talk to him about this. both families not aware of addiction or affair. he said none of their business. i have gone through every emotion in the last 10 weeks and at this point i just feel hopeless and am starting to get the feeling that i am losing him forever. he tried IC/MC with his therapist from the rehab place, was told no reason marriage could not be saved and to see his dr for depression/anxiety rx. he stopped therapy and never saw dr. refuses to talk to anyone. i am his only contact. and again we are going through no contact. my closest meeting is on wed. i have to wait till next week, but need the support now. any suggestions on what to do at this point. i know we cannot get anywhere until he is back on the road to recovery, but can i help him to do this? what do i say? anything or nothing? tell him do this or else? sorry very confusing and long
TKR, know that you are not alone. At my F2F meeting this week, I heard something that helped me: All you have to do is love them. Further, that's all you can do for them. Love yourself, and be well. I hope your HP guides you to what you need.
Welcome to MIP. I have been here but a short time and with al-anon only 9 wks today. This is a wonderful safe place to share. There are people her from all over the world and they share similar situations. As Atera so aptly put it... you're not alone, and this board helps me between meetings as well.
Hope you will continue to post and know that we are here for you.
When I feel most helpless, it's normally because I am low on faith in my HP and his ability to help me be where I need to be in this life.
To help me with this, I read and get real busy. Doing things I like to do, like goofing with my kids.
Bottom line is take care of you!
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
Welcome to Miracles in Progress!!! Keep coming back here and join us in chat and for our meeting twice a day. The link is in left corner above. Do you have a sponsor? I would get my hands on all the literature I can until next meeting and work on those steps. If you don't have a step book we have a stepboard too, link above. You obviously cannot change him, but you can change how you react to him. Keep coming back here and we will be here for you.
Josey
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Julianne - It's best to move on. You cannot look back in anger in life. It's too short
get books/ on line stuff on the TWELVE steps.....get a sponser or recovery partner.......all the literature u can read, that is conference approved, and i get stuff that is conducive to recovery even if it isn't touted by the conference becuz the STEPS are my BASE....my most heavy reading/ studying.......
AND the meetings.....get to as many meets as u can.........u can only take care of u, help u, rescue u.....the a??? well?? it is HIS life HIS choice HIS experience..........we can NEVER EVER control another's experience......blessings, rosie
hi t, welcome. What I want to say is, what makes us allow them to decide what THEY want? What do YOU want?
I sure do not want a man who did what my A did to me. I don't care if he wants to come back. I don't care if he can give me the world.
I have seen the horrible person he can be when controlled by the disease. He allows this disease to encourage him to be abusive.
Seeing the disease, make people not hold back their other vices, like cheating, hitting, hurting by abuse, no way am I going to live with that, or chance it again.
I decide, not the sick A. No different than when my moms cancer made her not act right. I decided, I did not expect a sick person to make decisions that affect us both.
