The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's c2c is about humility, and the first step towards humility being the acceptance of powerlessness. In learning to accept powerlessness we discover what is, and isn't our responsibility and the reading further invites us to show kindness towards ourselves that we would normally do for another. I think it is suggesting that in doing this we make an act of faith that the needs of said other will be cared for whether we attempt to act for them or not.
I like this idea as compulsively acting for others even when I know it won't influence the outcome I want to influence seems to be irresistible sometimes. I know it's dull that I forever use my teenage co-inhabitants as an example but now that I don't live with an active alcoholic, it's really the area where I see daily examples of my need to relinquish codependent, controlling behaviours. Today they returned home from a few days interstate and brought mess and washing and general chaos to the home I have kept so neat for days now I'm sure you all know the drill. Instead of ruining my own night by martyring myself to clean up, I retired to my room and tidied up my own space and then relaxed and enjoyed it. I see now that this relates well to this reading. Their mess will still be there tomorrow, and instead of dramatically tending to it and making sure they feel as bad as possible about not cleaning after themselves, I am going to push it to the side so it doesn't bother me, and again make a deliberate act of tending my own cleaning/washing/ making my personal space enjoyable. And trust that they will either be motivated to clear their own, or they will learn a lesson of their own when they need their clothes clean, etc. This will take considerable strength and resolve but really, when does grumpily doing someone else's chores for them actually influence them to do better? It doesn't. I am powerless to influence that. Wish me luck lol
Thanks YKM for your service and share. Betty had taught me that humility=quietness of heart. It's written in a reading in C2C. I think Betty's teaching is what you spoke of above. How to have humility in the midst of chaos not of our choice, is quite an accomplishment. I too, work on this on a regular basis. At best I can control many things about myself. I can control nothing about others. And to Let go and let God, and live and let live, also get a lot of practice day to day for me. :)
Thanks Youknowme. I enjoy your stories. It makes it easier for me to absorb and apply the lesson(s) and I love the dose of laughter in your style. Thanks also DM2021 and Lyne for your shares. Once I put down the microscope and picked up the mirror , I acquired a taste for humble pie (lol). My relationships (especially with self) have improved and most days I experience a quietness of spirit. I'm so grateful that I can accept my strengths and weaknesses and have the willingness to change for the better...
I'm sure you all know the drill. Instead of ruining my own night by martyring myself to clean up, I retired to my room and tidied up my own space and then relaxed and enjoyed it. I see now that this relates well to this reading. Their mess will still be there tomorrow, and instead of dramatically tending to it and making sure they feel as bad as possible about not cleaning after themselves, I am going to push it to the side so it doesn't bother me, and again make a deliberate act of tending my own cleaning/washing/ making my personal space enjoyable. And trust that they will either be motivated to clear their own, or they will learn a lesson of their own when they need their clothes clean, etc. This will take considerable strength and resolve but really, when does grumpily doing someone else's chores for them actually influence them to do better? It doesn't. I am powerless to influence that. Wish me luck lol